BROKEN WORLD
by BLUE CARIAD
Summary: Ianto is given a new assignment, which leads him to more danger than he could possibly imagine... Chapter One Season One... The Rest is set Season Two... Features Jack, Ianto, Owen, Tosh and Gwen...
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is a re-write of the first Torchwood Story I ever wrote. It was originally called 'Acts of Kindness'. It has gone through a bit of an edit. So I hope you enjoy this. Thanks BC….**

**'BROKEN WORLD'**

**CHAPTER ONE**

Owen took a sip from his mug of coffee and froze. Ok, so it was just a cup of coffee, but hell, Ianto never made a good, bad or indifferent cup of coffee; it was always bloody fantastic and today this one was not. He looked up and quietly watched as the 'Tea Boy' mechanically made his way up the steps and out of the autopsy bay. Owen took a second sip, very definitely not up to par. He frowned, something was wrong and he cursed himself when he realised it was a bad cup of coffee that finally made him take notice.

Ianto had not uttered so much as three syllables in as many weeks. The Hub though clean didn't seem quite so tidy and on closer inspection neither did Ianto. Owen got up and followed his younger colleague into the main part of the Hub. Watching him from behind Owen took in the slightly hunched shoulders; the way the jacket of Ianto's suit was no longer fitting him so well, more like hanging. How the skin of his hands and face seemed whiter, slightly drawn and finally on watching Ianto pass a cup of tea to Toshiko (who didn't even look up) his hand shook. Having delivered everyone's drinks in silence Ianto headed back up to the kitchen area to tidy up. He was loading the dishwasher by the time Owen got there.

"Have you got any biscuits in here Ianto?" Owen asked. It was purely an exercise to get a better look as he peered at the Welshman's face, but Ianto didn't so much as glance in his direction. He just bent down and pulled a packet of chocolate hob nobs out of one of the cupboards and passed it to Owen with out a word or making eye contact.

Owen attempted a smile. "Cheers Ianto." He replied as he opened the packet and took two out. He handed the pack back to Ianto. Owen dithered there in the doorway coffee in one hand, biscuits in the other.

"You not having anything?" He ventured when he realised Ianto had made nothing for himself.

Ianto just gave him an empty look that almost made Owen flinch. "Didn't feel like anything." Came the monotone reply. "Is there anything else you wanted?" Ianto added with forced politeness.

Owen shook his head. "Na, cheers mate." He retreated back to the autopsy bay.

Owen sighed as he glanced at his watch, 8pm and boy did he hate hanging around unnecessarily, but he needed to talk to Jack. He discreetly spied Ianto departing for the night then charged up from the autopsy bay to the Captain's office. Something really needed to be done about Tea Boy. Owen found Jack sitting at his desk reading from some report or another, his handsome face set in a mask of concentration.

"Jack can I have a word?"

Without looking up Jack gestured to the chair in front of his cluttered desk.

"Give me a minute Owen."

Owen just sat there gazing about Jack's eclectic office until finally his boss looked up, closing the document in front of him. He smiled at Owen in that way of his that always made Owen feel slightly hot under the collar. He could never get used to Jack's natural beauty and total lack of shame when it came to flirting or would that be flaunting. Owen was never sure which.

"Would this be about Ianto by any chance?"

Owen nodded. "You've noticed?"

A shadow seemed to pass over Jack's face. "Yeah, bit difficult to miss really." He replied, the smile dropping from his handsome face.

"Has he talked to you?"

Jack shook his head. "He's not likely to talk to me after what I asked him to do now is he. I should have blown his brains out, I think that would've been kinder."

Owen was mortified, but he understood exactly what Jack meant.

"I'm his bloody doctor Jack and I only noticed today that something was wrong because he made me a lousy cup of coffee." Owen felt ashamed of the admission. "Perhaps I've just been so mad at him lately that I didn't want to notice, and he's so dam good at hiding himself. Fuck's sake I should be sympathetic despite what he did, he's just lost the only thing that meant anything to him and all I can do bitch about the bad coffee."

"We are all guilty of it." Jack assured him.

"Perhaps we should just Retcon him, put the poor sod out of his misery."

Jack shook his head. "That's us being too lazy to care. I know he did wrong Owen, I think he knows it, but the truth is he pulled off one very clever stunt right under our noses and even with my gun in his face he refused to give up. That says a lot about him, how strong he really is under all that grief. He survived Canary Wharf, he'll survive this. We just have to find a reason for him to want to do so."

"Well what ever we do we need to do it soon. He's pretty ill Jack. I did a sneaky bio scan; his vitals are all over the place and it looks like he's lost a lot of weight. I don't recall him eating or drinking at all at work this week and I wouldn't like to guess what a blood test would show up."

"So Dr Harper, what do we do?"

Owen shrugged. "Like you said. Give him a reason to live because it's the one thing he doesn't have anymore."

"I'm not a miracle worker Owen."

Owen got up from his seat. "Small steps Jack. I'll give him a thorough medical tomorrow and try to chat to him. You find him something more challenging to do than the catering and the cleaning. He needs a distraction, a project of some kind."

"You think that will help?"

In truth Owen had no idea. "We have to start somewhere."

Having pulled on a fresh t-shirt for the day Jack Harkness climbed up the ladder from his bunker. It was 6:30am and as of yet he had not heard the familiar alarm sound from the roller door. Ianto was half an hour late. Not late technically of course. Ianto was never that. But usually the 24 year old got in at 6am, cleaned up the Hub, put the coffee on and had everyone's breakfasts ready for the start of the day. Jack decided he would risk the young man's wrath by getting his own coffee so he wandered over to the neat little kitchen area. He glanced around the kitchen searching for the 'coffee stash' (As Owen had dubbed it) noticing a list written in Welsh stuck to the fridge with a magnet. Jack pulled it off to read it admiring the elegant handwriting. It was Ianto's shopping list for the Hub.

**MnS**:

Orange juice (Gwen).

Myfanwy's fish.

Owen's biscuits.

Cranberry Juice. (Owen and Tosh).

**Tesco**

Milk.

Manuka Honey.

Raw Sugar.

G+B 70% black.

Hot Chocolate stuff.

**Wittards Order**

Ceylon Tea.

Rice Tea.

Coffee (Try the new Kenyan this time.).

Green Tea.

Jack replaced it with a sigh. Even the simple task of keeping everyone fed and watered and Ianto had thrown himself into it looking after all of their little quirks with barely an acknowledgement from any of them let alone thanks. Not wanting to upset the boy further he abandoned the task of making his drink.

7am and still no sign of Ianto.

As if on cue the roller door alarm sounded and to Jack's surprise Owen stepped through as it opened up. The scrawny medic went straight up to the kitchen expecting to find Ianto hiding away there.

"Where's Tea Boy?"

Jack gave him a withering look. "It might help if you start by calling him Ianto!" He said rather firmly.

The remark just bounced right off Owen. "So where is he?"

Jack shrugged. "He hasn't come in yet. At least I don't think he has."

Jack pulled out his mobile, made the call and was greeted by Ianto's voicemail. That was odd; Ianto always answered his phone.

"It's not like him to have his phone switched off. I think I will check the CCTV to see if he came in earlier. He could be hiding in the archives." Jack virtually accused as he wandered off to Tosh's workstation and a couple of minutes later. "Found him."

Owen was at Jack's side.

"What is he doing there?"

Jack gave Owen a concerned look. "That was the room where he hid Lisa. I'll go and talk to him." He turned and left, a leaden feeling settling in his gut.

"Go easy Jack, he's armed." Owen called after him.

"Yeah, I noticed." Jack called back.

Jack found Ianto sitting cross-legged in the middle of the room which had since been stripped and scrubbed down of everything except the flourecsant light fitting in the ceiling. Ianto had been ordered to decontaminate the chamber immediately after the run in with the Welshman's roboticised girlfriend a few weeks previously. It remained a dank space and the smell of metal, blood and bleach still lingered, trapped in the brick and stone like history itself. Ianto heard the cautious footsteps behind him and waited for Jack to sit down beside him, his fingers tightening around the firearm in his hand. Otherwise he didn't move, but eventually he spoke in a hesitant whisper.

"You know in America they have Death Row for people like me."

Jack frowned at the pitiful tones. "I don't understand."

"Serial killers. You see once it becomes more than one person…"

"I'm still not following you Ianto." Jack replied watching Ianto's fingers flexing over the weapon in his grasp.

"Dr Tanizaki and Annie, guilty as charged. I'd never even killed so much as a spider before then and I don't even like spiders."

"You did not kill them Ianto." In reality Jack knew that the broken man before him would never believe that. His guilt would always have a strangle hold on him.

"You should have shot me Jack." They looked at each other and Jack flinched visibly at the emptiness in those blue wide eyes. He quickly looked away.

"I'm glad I didn't. It was a mistake. You made yours for the best possible reasons and the truth is I found myself asking if I'd have done the same thing were our situations reversed."

Ianto bowed his head. "I sat here so many nights and prayed for a miracle, hoping to do right by her and now there is nothing, void. I would have sold my soul for her or given my life in exchange. I am empty without her." He jammed the barrel of the gun under his chin and Jack wasn't quick enough to stop him.

"Ianto don't!" He really did not want to see another colleague blow his brains out.

Shakily Ianto lowered his hand and the gun clattered to the floor. Jack snatched it away and clicked the safety on.

"I tried already. I couldn't do it. I want to die Jack and I couldn't do it. Why can't I die?" Tears flooded down his pale cheeks as huge sobs wracked his body. Jack was unable to comfort him, the betrayal between them too close. Jack wasn't sure he'd ever get passed it either.

"I don't think you want to die. You just want the pain to go away. Eventually that will happen. You just have to try to get by in the meantime."

"She was all I had." Ianto sobbed.

"We're still here, for what it's worth. We can help you if you let us." It was the hardest thing for Jack to utter, the kindness of those words reluctant at best.

Ianto was shaking his head. "After what I did to you all? I don't think so."

With out thinking Jack gently rubbed calming circles over the younger man's back painfully aware he could feel ribs and spine beneath the fabric of Ianto's shirt."

"You're forgiven Ianto, by us at least. You have to find a way to forgive yourself and stop punishing yourself because you won't need a bullet to finish the job if you carry on like this." Jack said trying to be gentle, even now he was still angry and in truth he hadn't forgiven. He wasn't sure about the others though.

Ianto wasn't ready to listen. "Retcon level 6 should do it. Give me that, let me forget everything."

"No. I do that and you really will lose everything and I am not prepared to give up on you. I know it hurts right now. But it will get better." It was the only way Ianto could be effectively punished for his mistake. Jack still wanted to punish him, but he also wanted the younger man to heal. Part of him wondered if he was taking out his own failings on Ianto too.

Ianto finally broke down. Reluctantly Jack pulled him into his arms and held him.

**TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW**

Toshiko glanced to her side at Ianto. He looked shattered, staring blankly ahead through the windscreen of the SUV. They had all experienced the worst kind of night imaginable. All the way back into Cardiff Ianto hadn't uttered a word whilst the rest of the team had talked animatedly about their encounter with the Cannibal village from Hell. They were now in the parking bay and Jack and Owen had lifted an injured Gwen out of the vehicle and were heading into the Hub. Ianto hadn't so much as realised that the car had stopped so far as Toshiko could tell. She reached out her hand and grasped his fingers, which seemed to jolt him back into reality.

He gave her a brief look of bewilderment then his face dropped behind his usual blank mask.

"You saved me Ianto. You saved me. Thank you."

The very faintest of smiles touched the edge of his lips. "You're welcome Tosh." He replied before returning his gaze back to the windscreen.

**TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW**

Ianto glanced at his watch and puffed out a sigh. Another day had escaped him without him even noticing. Turning off the laptop he placed it on the shelf next to the stack of files he was currently working on. He picked up his PDA and his clipboard and silently made his way out of the vaults turning out the lights and locking the doors behind him as he went. It was high time he went home, though he half wondered what he had to go home for, an empty apartment and an even emptier bed. He could still feel Jack's last kiss against his lips and feel the man's arms around him….. Ianto's fingertips strayed to his lower lip. Still, Jack was gone now. Unhappily he made his way up passing via the cells to check on Janet and the newly acquired Hoix. The weevil was curled up with her new tartan blanket sound asleep. Once at his excuse for a desk he dumped the things he was carrying and retrieved his car keys and wallet from the draw. He pulled on his winter coat and unconsciously glanced in the direction of Jack's still empty office and yet again he felt something tighten in his chest as he looked away. He was about to leave when Owen emerged from the autopsy bay yanking his lab coat off and slinging it over the nearest chair. He frowned at the younger man.

"I thought you went home hours ago." Owen's cockney accent was never more apparent. How long had he lived in Cardiff? Ianto found himself wondering as he shrugged.

"I'm still completing the archive. I think there's stuff missing, but until I've been through it all I can't be sure."

Owen pulled on his leather jacket. "Why are you bothering with that Ianto?"

The young Welshman was puzzled by the question. "Its my job Owen. Jack asked me to catalogue everything down there and get it stowed properly, that's what I do when I am not running Jones' coffee and cake emporium, or cleaning up or feeding the animals…" He responded bitterly.

Owen sighed registering the edge in the younger man's tone. "Yeah. Yeah, of course."

Ianto had to force himself to relax his posture. "I'm sorry Owen. I am not mad at you." He said.

"I know mate. Fancy a beer before bed time?"

Ianto thought about this for a moment. "Yes, I do." Owen hid his astonishment well. "Right then, I'll drive us back to mine, you order the pizzas and I'll see if Gwen and Tosh want to join us shall I?"

Ianto totally failed to hide his surprise at the suggestion. "Why are you doing this Owen?"

"Because Jack fucking Harkness has gone, you're heart broken, I'm really angry and Gwen and Tosh are pretty pissed about it too. I think we should have a team Torchwood lets bash Jack night."

Ianto almost managed a smile, it sounded like an excellent plan to him.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

They had to avoid themselves for 12 hours, not difficult really because none of them spent much time out of the Hub, home seemed like the obvious choice. Tosh and Gwen went to Tosh's apartment, though Gwen would have much preferred to have a holed up in a hotel with Jack for the night. Either way she couldn't go back to her place because of Rhys. Tosh invited her back knowing full well that Jack and Ianto had things they needed to discuss and Gwen had no business getting in the way of that. Owen went to his apartment took a shower and found a bar and later a stranger's bed to share for the duration, nothing new there then.

Ianto got out of the front passenger seat of the SUV and he turned to face Jack before closing the door.

"Where will you go?"

Jack shrugged. "Hotel I guess."

Ianto paused sucking in a steadying breath, wondering how soon he would regret this next sentence. "Stay here Jack."

Jack turned the engine off and looked somewhat nervously at Ianto. "Are you sure?"

"My sofa is to die for actually."

Jack wasn't certain whether he was joking or not.

Jack followed Ianto up three flights of stairs, (Ianto now had a thing about not using elevators after his earlier encounter with John smartypants Hart.) to the top floor flat he shared with Moses, Estelle's cat. The moment Ianto opened the door the black and white cat shot out and starting rubbing himself around Ianto's ankles. Ianto gathered him up, talking to him in Welsh and rubbing his ears affectionately as he made his way to the kitchen.

Jack closed the door behind them.

"Coffee Jack?"

"Yeah, thanks." Jack tried not to sound desperate for his first taste of Ianto's elixir for more than a year. He glanced around the immaculate surroundings as he caught up with Ianto in the kitchen. Ianto fed the cat and gestured with his free hand.

"Lounge is through there, make yourself at home."

Jack wasn't sure what to expect of Ianto's living space, he had never been here before, but whatever it was he had envisaged, it wasn't this. The wall that faced him as he stepped into the room was completely hidden behind a bookshelf full of books. Most of the volumes it contained looked old and Jack as ever drawn to all things old stepped closer to get a better look. He was surprised to find, three different versions of the Bible, a copy of the Koran*, another of the Torah and at least a dozen titles referring to eastern mysticism and religion. The following shelf housed classics by Arthur Conan Doyle, Jules Verne and HG Wells respectively along with the collected works of Dickens and some medieval poetry. Jack half found himself wondering if they were just for show, but somehow he doubted that. Ianto had never struck him as being a man who would own things 'just for show'. He recalled one late night conversation in which Ianto had expressed his passion for literature and his obsession with expanding his knowledge. Jack carefully pulled out one of the tomes and discovered well thumbed pages and a cloth bookmark that looked as old as he was. He replaced the book. On turning to face the opposite wall there were two large framed photographs hanging on the magnolia paintwork. One of Ianto in the arms of the late Lisa Hallet and one that Jack recognised as Ianto's parents probably not long before their deaths. The couch did indeed look comfortable and so did the rug that was spread out in front of the open hearth on the polished boards. The only piece of modern technology in the room was a reading lamp. It took Jack a moment to realise that Ianto was standing in the doorway proffering a mug of coffee. Jack accepted it.

"Thanks." Jack blew on the surface of his coffee luxuriating in the scent before taking a sip. "Oh, that's divine."

"You hungry?" Ianto asked more than a little pleased at the response to his coffee.

"Now that you mention it." Jack smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes and that did not escape Ianto's attention.

"I'll order Chinese, my coffee may be pretty good but my cooking is lousy. You can sit you know, just not on the rug that's where Moses sleeps and he is very selective about who he shares his bed with, anyway it's covered in cat hair." Ianto left the room to make the call. Jack realising he had no where to put his mug had a bit of a dance as he shrugged off his greatcoat and draped it over the back of the couch before sitting down.

A moment later and Ianto was back sitting down on the couch beside him but careful not to make physical contact, a mug of tea in his hand.

"Dinner will be here in an hour." He said.

"You don't have a TV." Jack commented, trying to go for casual conversation in an effort to hide how nervous he actually felt. He was also curious; every house he'd ever been in from this era always sported the latest in domestic technology.

Ianto smiled. "You're right. No TV, no Skybox, no stereo or ipods and definitely no computers. The most advanced thing in my flat is the toaster."

Jack turned himself so he could face Ianto properly. "Why?"

"I'm not here very often so I really don't need those things and after what happened to Lisa to be honest I just don't want the technology in my home." Ianto replied sadly.

Jack's face dropped as the pieces of Ianto's history fell into place in his mind's eye in the shape of silver flashes against chocolate coloured flesh. "I'm sorry. I didn't think."

Ianto frowned at him perplexed by the apology. "You've no need to be sorry Jack." He was not accustomed to seeing Jack so far out of his comfort zone; there was none of the cheesy flirting for a start and Ianto really wasn't sure what to make of it. "So tell me, why did you leave us for 5 months?" The question was out before Ianto could stop himself.

It was Jack's turn to pull a face now. "Do we have to do this now?"

Ianto was resolute. "We have to do this before we go on that date, if you were being serious about it that is."

"Do you want me to be serious about it?"

Ianto sighed exasperated already. "I want some honesty and some trust from you."

"You have that." Jack responded on autopilot.

Ianto flared. "Bullshit. You CHOSE to leave us without explanation or a half decent apology when you came swanning back. You left me hanging like so much dead weight." Ianto paused gathering a breath. "It fucking hurt so don't think for one moment that things between us are going to go back to the way they were and if that's all you actually want why the Hell did you ask me on a date?"

Jack was at a loss for words for one of the first times in his long life, thoroughly uncomfortable under Ianto's intense gaze.

"I can't talk to you about my time away." Jack finally bit out through gritted teeth. The horror of a year spent in chains was all too fresh in his memory to relive now and he briefly wondered how he could explain that to the angry young man before him.

Ianto's look was bordering on venomous and Jack found himself physically shrinking away from it. He had never imagined that Ianto would ever look at him like that.

"I can't. I'm sorry. I'm not ready."

Ianto just shook his head and unsettled by Jack's reaction got up and left the room. A moment later he returned and threw a small-framed photograph into Jack's lap. Not understanding Jack picked it up and saw Ianto's smiling face, the happiest he had ever seen him, the person holding him was Jack himself. Jack actually found himself smiling on seeing the image.

"I have held on to that hope the whole time you were away. I grieved Jack because I believed you were never coming back. I understand you had to go but I loved you so much that I felt like I was breaking apart from the inside and all the time you've been gone I've been doing your work, lying to the others to protect your secrets. You owe me an explanation." He shouted. Jack couldn't look at him.

"Jack!"

To Ianto's shame Jack flinched at the bellowing of his name.

"I ran away because I thought the Doctor could fix me, make me mortal again. I'd waited so long stuck here unable to do anything. I was tired of being alive of never feeling my spirit burn with just the joy of knowing it could all end. He couldn't help me, he even tried to run away from me. He said I was a fixed thing and that I was all wrong and that there was nothing he could do…" He trailed off registering the anger on Ianto's face.

"And that took 5 months?" The tone was accusatory.

Jack realised that he was not going to let this drop. "Actually it took me just over a year, time travel it complicates things." He replied distantly really not wanting to have this conversation, but Ianto was right; Jack did owe him.

Ianto sat down heavily realising for the first time that Jack looked liked he was hurting as much as he was. He fidgeted for a moment suddenly very ill at ease as he finally registered just how shaken up Jack was.

A whole year.

"Jack there's something I have to tell you, something I need to ask."

Jack met his look and almost drowned in Ianto's beautiful blues eyes.

"What is it?" He'd be happy to change the subject.

Ianto took a moment to think of the right words. "While you were away. I had nightmares, not like my old ones. These were different more real….I….."

Jack finally found a faint smile. Ianto was as bad at talking about his feelings as Jack was and Jack was keen to take the pressure of himself for a bit.

"Go on."

"I am in a room with you. You're in pain, screaming at me. I mean really screaming. I am in pain myself and I can't reach you to help you, but I have a gun in my hand and you keep screaming at me not to shoot. I put the gun to my own head and I die. I feel it Jack. And I'm drowning in blackness…I just think it wasn't a dream at all, more like a premonition." Ianto half wondered what had possessed him to spill this out.

Jack's jaw dropped and he gaped at Ianto in shock. "How could you know that?"

Ianto swallowed. "Know what, I don't understand?"

"I was here on Earth. I lived a whole year of a different timeline. The earth was decimated by an alien invasion. The Doctor and I were both held prisoner. Gwen, Tosh and Owen went out to Asia to follow up a false lead, they managed to escape capture, but you stayed behind in Cardiff. They picked you up about eight weeks later. You surrendered yourself in exchange for Rhys. We were locked up together and I was forced to watch whilst you were tortured. The final day came when we were given a gun with a single bullet in it and told that if we didn't use it on one another Martha's family would all die. You got to the gun before I did and shot yourself through the head." Jack's face was blank as he relayed the tale. Ianto sat there; he really didn't know what to say for a long while.

"Then I should be dead." He finally muttered, and he got up and walked out of the room. Jack remained there stony faced unwilling to let his emotions unfold into the tears he was desperate to hold back. It was too soon for all this and too late. The tears came anyway and the sadness at the realisation that if Ianto's body had been kept on board the Valiant, instead of being thrown over the side like so much rubbish; Ianto would be truly dead and not just dreaming about it. Jack roughly wiped away the salt water on his face on the sleeve of his shirt. The jerking motion brought a flash of pain that crept across his upper back making Jack wince. Damn Harold Saxon and his tiresome games. Damn everything.

The food arrived and the two of them sat and ate in silence. Ianto cleared up and made Jack another cup of coffee. They were back on the sofa lost in their own thoughts. Jack was sore and fed-up and needed some form of reassurance from his companion that all was not lost between them.

"Ianto?"

Ianto looked at him his face unreadable.

"Please say something Ianto."

"You hurt all of us when you left. It's not going to be easy for me to accept you back. I am not the same man you left behind Jack. You're not the same either. I can see past the front you put up for the others."

"I know that. But I did come back and for the first time in my life I know that this is where I belong. You know how it goes you don't know what you've got until it goes missing. I won't leave you again."

Ianto sighed wishing he could believe that. A long yawn escaped him and he tried to stifle it.

"I need to sleep." He left the lounge for a minute coming back shortly after with a quilt and a couple of pillows for Jack.

"Like I said, the couch is very cosy." He retrieved his photo. "If you need anything, just help yourself. There's a towel in the bathroom for you. Night Jack."

Rather abruptly he left Jack to his own devices closing his bedroom door behind him. Ianto sat down on the edge of his bed and cried as quietly as he could, clutching the photo frame to his chest. Angry at the tears and pissed off because all he wanted to do was invite Jack back into his bed and hold on so tightly he'd never let go.

Disappointed but not surprised Jack got himself undressed and settled himself down on Ianto's couch and fell straight to sleep, feeling safe for the first time in a year.

Ianto lay sprawled out on his bed in T-shirt and shorts, wide-awake and aching from every corner of his soul.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

Ianto rolled out of his bed at 5am having not slept and took a long hot shower. Wearing a dressing gown because he didn't want to give Jack any ideas, he padded quietly through the flat to the kitchen, towelling at his wet hair. It was going to be a long day, because he knew that dealing with his feelings for Jack was just going to bug him all day. No doubt Gwen would be badgering Jack for answers about where he'd been. Tosh will just be quietly glad to have him back and Owen, after a couple of insults will be business as usual. Moses strolled out of the lounge leapt up on to the bench and stretched. He sauntered across the work top and gave a demanding meow. Ianto fed him giving him a rub on his whiskery chin before making himself a very strong cup of coffee and a round of toast.

"Yan?"

Ianto froze unhappy at the use of Jack's pet name for him.

"Ianto!" This time it was much louder, more desperate and sighing Ianto wandered into the lounge to see what it was that Jack wanted. To his dismay he found that Jack was still asleep tangled in a disarrayed quilt. His beautiful face was marred with a fearful expression and glimmering with sweat. Words were uttered in a language that Ianto did not recognise. And then his name again, like a plea.

"Please leave him alone, please I beg you. I'll do anything." It was pitiful and Ianto sucked in a worried breath, he had heard all this before in his own dreams and for a moment stood frozen in the doorway trying to understand and trying not to be afraid. Jack pulled the covers tightly to his chest.

"Please no…."

Ianto cautiously sat on the edge of the couch fear and pity fighting for dominance. He wasn't sure what to do and he wondered what it was Jack was seeing in his tormented sleep. Ianto had witnessed Jack's nightmares in the past, but they had never been like this. Jack squirmed under the covers as if trying to curl in on himself.

"No, not him….please. He's no threat to you….Oh God Ianto!"

Ianto gently rested his hand on Jack's arm. "Sshh…it's ok. Jack it's ok. It's just a dream." H e said soothingly. Jack shuddered violently and his eyes snapped open as he lurched upright gasping for breath.

"No!"

Ianto quickly with drew his hand. Jack blinked away his momentary confusion and looked at Ianto as if surprised to see him there.

"Ianto?" He rubbed at his face, not entirely sure what had happened, the dregs of his nightime terrors blown away.

"You were having a nightmare Jack. I woke you up. Sorry, but you seemed quite upset." Ianto explained with an apprehensive smile.

Jack sat there searching Ianto's eyes and seeing only compassion there. He leaned forward to kiss him but Ianto stood up and backed away from the intimate contact. "I'm making some breakfast. Would like some?"

Jack sighed with disappointment. "Yeah, thanks."

Ianto walked away from him. Before Ianto realised it Jack was there behind him grabbing hold of his arm and pulling him round so they were facing each other. He quickly moved his other hand to the small of Ianto's back moulding their bodies together and kissing him. Ianto just froze unwilling to respond at first, but his resolve quickly melted as he pulled Jack in deepening the kiss. All the loneliness and and anger focussed into that one gesture and Ianto wanted to lose himself in that moment. Ianto finally came to his senses and pulled away and gently shoved Jack a pace to create a little space between them. But Jack wouldn't let go of his hand.

"Ianto, tell me I have a chance to make things up to you?" Jack uttered in a desperate whisper, as if the question was something unwelcome and not to be dealt with. Jack wasn't used to feeling this desperate, wasn't used to caring this much about some one.

Ianto was shocked at the look of hope and worry on Jack's face. He had never seen Jack like this before and Ianto had to admit to himself that it frightened him to see Jack so fragile. Ianto could associate Jack with many feelings, but somehow he seemed diminished, like the mantle of his strength had been taken away like removing… Ianto glanced at Jack's coat, still draped over the back of his sofa. He really wanted to offer something more, it was clear Jack needed him.

"I don't want to get hurt again, or to be used any more. You left me and I am tired and I am lonely. Quite frankly? The last 5 months have been shit. I know it's been bad for you too, whatever it is you've had to endure while you were away. But I am not ready to let you back into my heart or my bed for that matter. You really want me? Then I expect some respect and not to be treated like some part time sex toy." Ianto was shaking as he yanked his hand away from Jack's grasp hoping the truth wouldn't drive Jack away from him.

Jack was devastated, but he kept his face straight. Ianto could tell though, he always could and he felt guilty for what he had just said.

"Lets just leave things for a while. Wait till you're settled back in. I need some time Jack and so do you." He added gently to lessen the blow.

Jack finally nodded. He wanted to tell Ianto that he loved him but he knew that Ianto wasn't ready to listen.

**TWTWTWTWTWTWTWWTW**

Ianto hauled in a steadying breath as he gathered up the half dozen manila files that he had left on Gwen's desk earlier that day. Holding them tightly against his chest he made his way up the steps to Jack's office. He tapped on the glass door as he entered and made a point of closing it behind him. Jack looked up from his report and sighed rather dismally when he noticed that Ianto had an armful of paperwork instead of a double espresso to give him. He smiled that ever charming and slightly shy smile that he only ever reserved for Ianto, but Ianto blanked it and the smile quickly faded when Jack realised this was obviously going to be a business chat and not the agreement to go on a date with him. Ianto was still avoiding giving him an answer and for once in his life Jack was prepared to wait.

"Is that more stuff I have to sign off?"

To Jack's relief the young Welshman shook his head as he carefully placed his burden on Jack's desk. Ianto was looking edgy and Jack leant back in his seat to watch him.

"Well?"

"Can we talk?"

Jack was smiling again. "What did you have in mind?"

Ianto huffed impatiently. "Not that, before you start." He responded sharply. Jack's eyes flickered with a brief flash of hurt at the tone.

"Ianto…"

"I'm serious Jack. This is important." Then he relaxed slightly. "Not nearly as much fun I appreciate." It was a poor attempt at an apology.

"Anyway this will take a bit of time."

Jack sighed. "Ok, What's up? And sit down Ianto you are making me nervous."

Ianto sat. "It's about one of my 'Projects'." He began, a little unsure of himself. Since Jack's return a few weeks ago he was finding it hard enough to face him let alone speak to him.

"Go on Ianto." Jack tried his best to sound encouraging but he couldn't quite pull it off, the last thing he wanted to talk to Ianto about was work.

"As you requested last year I've been tracking certain items on the internet, primarily through Ebay and another site called Show N . Along with cataloguing the archive. There is so much stuff out there Jack that is supposedly alien that with Tosh's help I decided to keep a database of the whole lot in order to keep track of the buyers and sellers out there. To be honest it's a bit of a nightmare sorting out what's genuine and what's not, but some one out there has a much better idea than I do."

Ianto pulled open the top most of his folders and shoved a thick printed document under Jack's nose.

"That's a comprehensive list of stuff that wasn't accounted for after the destruction of Canary Wharf." Another document was placed on top of it.

"This is an inventory of all items stolen, lost or otherwise removed from UNIT over the last two years and not recovered. And this one." A final sheet was handed over. "Things missing from our own archive that I cannot account for. I believe most of these items went missing before Alex killed himself in 2000, but I can't be certain of that."

Jack was reading one of the lists. As Ianto continued on opening up his second folder and placing a photograph of a middle aged Asian male on top of the lists.

"This is Ranjan Patel according to his Torchwood 1 personnel file. He's also known as Sergeant Rajiq Singh of UNIT and Dr Mishran Panjani of the RAF. He is the principle seller of said items which coincidently turn up on those lists and his Ebay ID is Josh Patel of 22, Barrington Gardens, sw19. His actual identity is Jordan Malik, born Pakistan Dec 14 1957…."

Jack raised his hands. "Ok Ianto stop. Where is this going?" He was never patient enough to listen to long explanations.

Ianto gave him a frustrated look. "Let me finish Jack."

"How long have you been working on this?"

"Ten months, you gave me these tasks after that lovely camping trip in Brynnblaid. Please just humour me for once?"

"All right, sorry. Carry on." Jack really didn't feel like listening to this.

Ianto placed a second photograph on the desk.

"This is the buyer. He has 49 separate Ebay accounts at any one time, he keeps changing them. His name is believed to be one Jason Murry. He's had known associations with the IRA, AL QUEADA, The Black Angel Group and Sheikh Fire. Aliases include John Draper an Australian businessman, Gregorovitch Marx and Daniel Samson. This man has been systematically purchasing alien tech basically anything that looks like it could be used for something. Purchases included, meteors, shrapnel, parts unspecified, powders unspecified. And components unspecified. The are three associates that work with him, I've only been able to identify one of them." A third image was passed to Jack.

"I've no idea who she is but this was taken off our own CCTV footage. We had an attempted break in whilst you were away. This picture…." Ianto produced a fourth image. "I took that in Birmingham 3 days ago, the man she's with is Jason Murry."

Jack took some time to study the images. "I am not certain I am liking where this is going."

"I got Tosh to study my list of items from the Ebay sales. A lot of it looks like junk but put things together and she believes that weapons could be made or backwards engineered from some of this stuff. Jack there's Cyberman and Dalek hardware, in those lists. The point is this Jason guy is obviously being advised by some one like Tosh- some one who knows all about this stuff. If he's making weapons and selling them on to terrorist organisations he has to be stopped."

Jack saw no problem agreeing to that. "So lets do it."

"It's not that straight forward Jack. We can't just track this guy and take him out there's a bigger picture here. I've already spoken to Kev at UNIT intelligence…"

"Wait a minute, what?" Jack snapped his head up from looking at the pictures.

Ianto hesitated nervous. "I had to Jack. You weren't here." They held one another's gazes for a long uncomfortable moment. It was Jack who finally backed down from it, realising that Ianto had acted with initiative and was only doing what Jack had asked of him all those months ago. He didn't trust UNIT.

"Go on, what did he say."

"He believes that there are at least a dozen people involved in the marketing alone. He's pretty certain that they have some kind of Lab out in the Middle East. It's a huge operation Jack but so far they've made zero progress trying to shut the operation down, they can't get access, they've been trying for months. They had some one posing as a buyer and he was exposed a month into the op."

"What happened to them?"

"Bits of him turned up in the Thames near the Chelsea Embankment. The thing is Jack I think they've been going about this the wrong way. We have to get some one in there soon though because a lot of merchandise has changed hands and the buying and selling suddenly stopped two days ago." Ianto 's gaze was fixed intently on Jack. "We have to do something Jack, we've got to recover the stolen Tech before people start getting killed with it."

Jack took a long time to digest all of the information and continued to look over the lists that Ianto had given him.

"What do you suggest we do?"

Ianto shook his head. "I don't know Jack. I guess we need to infiltrate Jason Murry's team some how try to find out where all the money is coming from to fund all his collecting. There has to be an organisation of some kind be it corporate or government or some other random thing."

"And there's no other way to trace the payments for the items bought via the internet?"

"They've covered their tracks very well, everything has been paid for in used cash of varying currencies ranging from New Zealand dollars to the South African Rand. I tried getting into the banks databases to see if there was any way of following the cash trail, but it can't be done with out the co operation of the banks and coding a hell of a lot of foreign currency. So then I asked Tosh and she failed as well." Ianto explained.

That was surprising to Jack, Tosh and Ianto were both good at what they did. "Ok, so why is this the first I've heard about it?" Jack's tone darkened considerably.

Ianto baulked. "Because this has taken me the best part of a year to collate, in my spare time between cleaning up everyone's shit and you running off, why the fuck do you think? Sorry Jack it's not like I get much help around here." He was trying desperately not to yell and failing miserably. Jack just sat there, impassive and waited patiently for Ianto to calm down.

"Then I take it the others do not know what you have been doing?" He asked.

"What?"

"Just answer me Ianto."

"The others don't know. Apart from what I've Tosh to look into, but she doesn't know the scale of it. No one's especially interested in what I do unless the coffee runs out." He responded caustically.

They were silent for a moment as Jack thought about the problem at hand. He chose ignore Ianto's final remark because basically it was true.

"Ok. Keep this to yourself. I want you to pull out some high profile stuff from the archive and advertise it for sale."

"I beg your pardon?"

Jack smiled at the look of utter confusion on Ianto's pale face. "We are going to nail these guys and you Ianto Jones are going to be my eyes and ears out there. You see what I am saying?"

Ianto looked straight at him completely unable to hide his surprise. "You really want me to do this?"

Jack nodded. "You know all the Intel and I know you are more than capable in the field, Gwen's reports of recent months are enough to tell me that. Lets try to get you in there, see what you can find."

Ianto was looking mildly horrified. "I'm not exactly James Bond material Jack."

Jack leaned forward. "You've done excellent ground work here, this is your bag, see it through. I know you can do this."

"What about the others?"

"We can't tell them Ianto. If this thing really does go as deeply as you think it could, the moment you make any serious contact with these people you'll be watched, they'll bug your house tap your phone calls and emails. I can track any of that from here. We'll need to work out a sensible plan, but a disgruntled Torchwood employee with access to loads of working alien tech will be too tempting I hope for them to ignore. This is going to take time."

"It already has."

"And it will be likely very dangerous." Jack warned him.

Ianto accepted that. "Jack, I have to feed that dam dinosaur everyday…" He replied gathering up his research.

Jack reached over and grasped his hand. "Yan?"

Ianto froze.

"Are you ok with this?"

Ianto looked into Jack's oceanic eyes. "No, but you're right. I know all the Intel. I'm the obvious choice…I just don't want to…" He trailed off.

Jack's expression demanded an explanation.

"I just don't want to have to lie to my friends."

Jack gently squeezed his fingers. "I know, but the less the others know the safer you will be and I promise. I will be watching your back you have my word. And when this is all over you and I will explain everything to the others, I promise."

Taking hold of both of Ianto's hands he stepped around the desk and knelt down in front of him looking up into his stormy eyes and smiling tenderly. Ianto felt his heart skip a few beats.

"I am very glad I met you Ianto Jones. I will keep you safe. I promise." Jack assured him.

"That's a promise you can't keep Jack. Just make sure we get them before they hurt anyone, that's more important." Ianto responded pulling his hands away.

"If that's a promise I can't keep then why are you doing this?"

"Because you asked me to, because it's what we do isn't it? Protecting people. You told me once I had to make Lisa's death count for something. This is me counting. I just hope I can do this." They both stood up and Jack rested his hands lightly on Ianto's hips.

"You'll do just fine, because you are brilliant, just be patient, be careful and kiss me."

Ianto stood there poised in indecision but he stepped back. "Stop flirting with me Jack. I've work to do."


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR**

Ianto leaned against the frosted brick wall and glanced at his watch. Okay, so he was early. It was only 7pm. He sucked in a startled breath as the sound of a dustbin crashing into the tarmac further down the alley made him jump. A scraggly fox trotted out of the darkness and paused under the orange glow of the streetlamp a few metres away. A moment later and it was gone, gracefully leaping the height of a wooden fence and into someone's back garden. Ianto pulled his hood up and then shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans to keep them warm and calm his nerves. It was a bitter evening, unseasonably cold in fact and all Ianto wanted to do was go home and curl up on his luxurious couch with a book, but he knew that wasn't going to happen any time soon. He sighed, things had gone a bit crazy over the last few days and he was still trying to get his head around what was going on in his life. Working undercover for Torchwood was one thing, but now he was briefing MI5 as well and without Jack's knowledge. Ianto knew that Jack would skin him alive when he found out. It was complicated though. They had intercepted him obviously aware that Torchwood was snooping on their own territory and somehow Ianto had managed to convince them to let him handle the assignment since he was already hip deep in the front line as it were. Ianto had also found himself trusting the man MI5 had assigned to him. One Joseph Tarrant from the anti-terrorism department, a mild mannered man in his thirties with a passion for black and white films. Their briefings had been mostly done remotely via secure internet, but Ianto had met him once and immediately liked him. There was something very honest about Joseph which shocked Ianto immensely since the man worked for the 'Spooks", who were never to be trusted with anything. Jack had often cursed the security services in the past and their unhealthy relationship with what was once Torchwood One, but now was nothing more than memory and ashes.

It was tricky briefing UNIT, Jack and the Spooks without the different agencies being entirely certain about who was getting what information. It would give them a headache it certainly gave Ianto one. Torchwood would always get his loyalty first though and Jack was certainly getting more of the details than anyone else particularly where alien items were concerned. Ianto smiled to himself feeling slightly smug about it, but he was also very worried. Alien artefacts he could handle, even unpleasant humans were no big deal, but this whole thing went way beyond all that and he deeply wished that there had been no alien tech involved at all, then he could just go home. He hadn't told Jack most of what had been happening because he knew that Jack would've pulled him off the assignment weeks ago otherwise and Ianto understood that that was no longer an option. His conscience wouldn't allow for it, leaving a job half done with weapons of serious destructive power out there in the hands of human thugs. He turned his head to get a look down the darkened alley. He hated it here, the pick up point lost somewhere in the mire of South London, too far away from home for comfort. He looked the other way beginning to feel extremely vulnerable. This narrow back wash of suburbia was a 'dead zone'. A glitch in the world, no CCTV, and for some inexplicable reason, no GPS or mobile phone signals either. How the hell did Torchwood not know this? Well they did now. Perhaps Torchwood One always had known and that was why he instructed to wait here. Maybe these people had had moles in the old regime. Still the isolation from observation made Ianto feel exposed every time he came here. They couldn't fix that problem because as Ianto knew it was constantly watched by human eyes of a less than friendly nature. He knew that Jack had been frustrated by the fact that he had not been able to keep close tabs on him at all times. Ianto had hidden his own concerns over that under a barrage of innuendo, which seemed to lessen his boss's worries. Ianto often wondered about Jack. He really didn't know where Jack's feeling lay. Jack had tried hard over the last few months to settle back into things. He hadn't overtly flirted with Ianto at all and Ianto found that disconcerting in itself. But Ianto had also clocked the touches, and looks that passed between Jack and Gwen sometimes bordering on intense longing. Ianto was finding it hard not to hate her for it after all Jack was as bad as she was. Maybe he should just get off with her instead and get it out of his system…

Ianto straightened up as a pair of beams from car headlamps cut through the murky darkness. A black Daimler slid silently into view and eased to stop in front of him. Ianto picked up the small backpack at his feet as the passenger door on the driver's side opened to receive him. Terrified Ianto climbed in and shut the door behind him as the car slid away quietly into the night.

**TWTWTWTWTWTWTW**

Gwen logged off from her terminal and trotted up the stairs to Jack's office and after knocking briefly on the door she stepped in without invitation. Jack, who was at his desk and just hanging up from a call on his mobile, looked up at her and smiled brightly. She failed to notice the tension in that smile completely and sat down in front of him.

"I'm done with the reports. Is there anything else you would like me to do for you Jack?" She held his gaze. Jack shook his head.

"No thank you. Ianto will appreciate what you've done I'm sure."

Gwen leaned forward putting her elbow on Jack's desk and resting her chin in her hand, her long hair falling forward brushing the top of his desk.

"I didn't do them for Ianto." She replied. Jack mirrored her position so that their faces were only a couple of inches apart her sweet warm breath on his face. A peaceful silence settled between them and Jack's smile slowly dropped as he gently brushed her lips with the briefest of kisses.

Gwen closed her eyes.

"Jack…." The whispering brought him to his senses. Shit. He pulled back.

"I'm sorry. I should not have done that." He muttered.

Gwen shocked into straightening her self up looked hurt. "Why not?"

"Because I have Ianto to think about." He looked away from her guiltily realising how easy it was for him to fall back into old habits just because of loneliness and a pretty face.

"Ianto? I thou….."

"And you have Rhys! Don't throw that away over me." He said with sincerity. "I'm not worth it Gwen."

The only sound between them was Gwen drawing in shaky breaths. She stood up. "I know you're right Jack, but I can't help how I feel. You make me feel special Jack, you make me laugh. I….I feel alive when I am around you."

"Then you'll understand about how I feel toward Ianto."

Gwen failed to hide the flash of jealousy in her eyes, but Jack's look was unwavering. Finally she nodded. Again the silence.

"Where is Ianto anyway?"

Jack smiled at her again sliding the Captain persona back into place.

"Taking some personal time. It's been a year since Canary Wharf he needed a break. He's also put in some excessively long hours since he started working here. I told him to take as much time as he required." He hoped the lie was a convincing one.

"Jack, it's been a few weeks."

"I know, he's having treatment for Post Traumatic Stress. You've no idea what he went through there, not to mention some of things that have happened since. I wanted to make sure he was going to be ok." He explained.

Gwen nodded seemingly convinced, but deep down she had reservations about Jack's explanation. Maybe she'd ask Owen about it in the morning. "Do you love him?"

Jack looked straight at her. "I love all of you. Now go home, live your normal life, for me." It was his standard line, knowing he couldn't play favourites but Gwen clearly wasn't fooled for a moment.

With a hesitant smile and not attempting to hide her disappointment she turned and left the office closing the door behind her.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: WARNING this chapter includes references to implied violence and non consensual sex.**

**CHAPTER FIVE**

Jason Murry inspected the item that Ianto handed over to him from the depths of his back-pack. It was one half of a device that enabled the person holding it to see into the future, the half that opened a view into the emotional energy traces left behind floating silently through the world. Ianto recalled dubbing it the 'Ghost Machine' as he had been explaining in detail how it worked. He'd memorised Tosh's report on the artefact at the time they had discovered it, like he did with all the reports. But he carefully pretended to sound somewhat faltering in his knowledge because he didn't want Murry guessing at how much he really did know. That knowledge would be more valuable than any thing else Ianto could offer. He sat there, hunched in the plush surrounds of the back seat of the Daimler clutching his now empty pack to his chest as he talked rather nervously. He watched Jason carefully. A man that was in his early forties who had magnetising corruption oozing from every pore of skin on his powerful body. His sculptured face, which could be considered handsome were it not for the coldness of his black lizard-like eyes and a thin silver scar than ran raggedly down from his left temple to his chin. He wore that mark like a badge of honour so far as Ianto could tell and in truth Ianto was terrified of the man.

"This looks good Jones. We'll have to test it out before I make payment, you understand." His East London accent held none of Owen's cockney charm.

Ianto nodded. "So long as I get paid." He replied as neutrally as he could.

Jason's hand strayed in the direction of Ianto's knee. "You'll be coming home with me until the test is done."

Ianto's guts froze; he didn't dare look at Murry in the face. "I thought you said my word was good."

He could feel Murry edge closer to him and Ianto could feel his own skin crawling as he tried his hardest not to squirm away.

"It is Jones. You've got us some good stuff. You're valuable to me. I just thought we could share a drink whilst you wait for your cash and let me show my appreciation for your talents." The hand moved along his thigh.

Ianto quickly stole a glance at him. "Ok, a drink, that would be nice." He said with an apprehensive smile. Fuck! "Where are we going for this drink?"

Murry studied the younger man's face, knowing full well the question could be for any bugs the boy was carrying. He had no need to worry, all of that was covered.

"To my Chelsea flat. You'll like it. I think you are a man who appreciates the best things in life." Jason purred, fixing his gaze on Ianto's downturned face.

Ianto met his look with extreme difficulty. "If Torchwood paid me enough."

"And what would you have Ianto Jones?" Murry's tone was laced with innuendo. Ianto had to consciously make an effort not to reveal how unsettled he was, it never felt uncomfortable like this around Jack and the Captain was King of Innuendo.

"Well Ianto? What is it? Coke? Little girls? Little boys, perhaps? Torture? Bondage? We all have our…little fantasies." If Jason were a cat he'd be purring right now as he gently ran his fingers up and down Ianto's thigh.

Ianto knew he had to come up with something fast, something that wouldn't likely put him in a more vulnerable position than he was already in. Jason had never been quite this predatory on their previous meetings and Ianto was worried about where this was going.

"Books." He replied with false calm.

Murry baulked, completely taken aback for a moment. Then he laughed, reaching his hand now to the back of Ianto's neck. Ianto kept his face stony straight.

"Books? You're fucking kidding me?"

Ianto shook his head. "First editions. I have a modest collection, but it's not enough."

Murry nodded, knowing full well, he'd already taken a peek at Ianto's flat. He leaned in, his face an inch away from Ianto's, black eyes staring fixedly into Ianto's oceanic ones. Ianto held that look thinking his life just might depend on it. He could feel fingers tracing circles on the back of his neck.

"I like you. I think you and I should stretch out this little transaction of ours until the morning. What do you say? I know for a fact that you've been shagging Captain Harkness, wouldn't mind a piece of that myself. So I know you won't mind."

Ianto swallowed wondering just how much these people actually knew about Torchwood, he hadn't been with Jack since before his disappearance.

"No one shags Jack. He takes what he wants, when he wants it and then leaves it when he's had enough or found something better to play with. I think you are the same, just taking what you want."

Murry gripped his chin none too gently. "You're dam right about that."

He kissed Ianto hard on the lips, painfully forcing his tongue into Ianto's mouth. Ianto responded reluctantly, feeling sick inside. Murry finally drew back to take a breath. "Good, so we understand each other then?"

Ianto nodded not trusting himself to reply.

**TWTWTWTWTWTW**

Ianto wearily stepped over the threshold as the roller door allowed him access to the Hub. He walked gingerly over to Tosh's workstation and slumped down in her chair feeling unable to cope with the stairs going up to Jack's office. It was 10am and Owen, who had heard someone enter, stepped up from the autopsy bay rather stunned to discover Ianto sitting hunched up in a hoodie and jeans, covered in dried blood and clutching at his side.

"Jesus Ianto, what happened?" He was at the younger man's side in a flash, reaching out to check his colleague. Ianto held him back.

"It's nothing I need to talk to Jack."

But Jack having seen him come in was by now also there having clattered down the steps from his office. Ianto got up swaying precariously on his feet and both Owen and Jack reached out to steady him.

"Ok, talk to me while Owen patches you up." Jack instructed, trying not to show his horror at what he saw. Ianto didn't need molly coddling, wouldn't want it, especially not in front of Owen.

Ianto shook his head. "Talk first, in private. Your office." He said firmly.

Owen opened his mouth to protest but Jack waved him down.

Ten minutes later and Ianto was sat on the couch in Jack's office with Jack carefully attending to the grazes on the backs of Ianto's hands as Ianto steeled himself to talk, trying to ignore the sting of the antiseptic on top of all his other hurts.

"Jason Murry is bringing me in on his operation. I'm valuable it seems. He gave me a list of things he wants from the archives, though how the hell he knows we have them…He must have access to our computers or something." Ianto sucked in a painful breath.

"Then who the hell did this to you?" Jack demanded.

"Jason. It was meant as a method of making me understand the consequences of letting him down. He says he'll do this to Tosh and Gwen if I don't keep bringing in the things they want. They…." Ianto stopped himself wanting to cry and curl up like a baby, but he knew he couldn't do that in front of Jack. Jack however registered the look that Ianto hadn't meant to give. And pulled him into a gentle embrace kissing the top of his head.

"What happened Yan?"

Ianto eased himself away shaking his head. "Nothing, my ribs hurt, is all." He took a slow breath to steady himself, Jack watching him with silent concern.

"They've got some one from UNIT helping them, but I don't know who. I over heard them joking about it."

Jack carefully lifted Ianto's chin, inspecting the bruising to his pale face, the cut lip and swollen left cheek. Somehow the news about UNIT didn't surprise him.

"I'm sorry Ianto. I should never have asked you to do this. I'm so sorry."

Ianto sort of smiled at the genuine regret in Jack's voice. "I'm glad you entrusted me with this. I'm fine, really. Its just bruises." He lied.

Jack frowned at him recognising the dishonesty. "I know it isn't. I can see it in your eyes Ianto. Look at the state of you, I'm there's fractured ribs under there. I'm pulling you out."

Ianto gripped his arm. "It's too late for that, you do that and I am a dead man and these guys disappear and more people die. We have to see this through. They know who I am, where I live. They know so much about all of us Jack. We have to see this through for all our sakes and the institute."

Jack couldn't help but feel a swell of pride for the young man before him. "I am so worried. You've been hurt enough."

"Trust me Jack. You have to trust me to do this."

Jack nodded. "That was never in question. I just…. I'm sorry that you're hurt."

Ianto closed his eyes and sighed. "Thank you."

"Ok Ianto, tell me everything you know."

Ianto sat there hunched over a glass of brandy and relayed everything he could remember, names, places and every detail. Three hours later and he was asleep on the autopsy table having been checked over by Owen and given a sedative.

Owen barged in to Jack's office having settled Ianto off to sleep. He slammed the door, beside himself with anger.

"Right Jack, what the fuck is going on with Ianto? And don't feed me that Post Traumatic Stress rubbish, I am his doctor in case you'd forgotten!" He yelled.

Jack silently gestured for him to sit. Owen complied.

"How is he?" Jack asked.

Owen recognised the real worry in Jack's tone and calmed himself before answering.

"He's had the shit kicked out of him and he's…..I'm not sure I should be telling you."

"Owen?" Jack's tone was dangerous.

"I think he was sexually assaulted. He wouldn't let me examine him. So right now I guess he's feeling pretty shit."

Jack paled.

"Did you do this Jack?" Owen demanded, bunching his fists at his sides.

Jack was shocked at the question and more than a little hurt.

"You think me capable?"

Owen shrugged. "You tell me."

Jack sank back into his seat, numb at the accusation. "I didn't do this to him. I did put him the line of fire though, if that's what you are asking. Shit." Jack lurched back up from his chair and paced around the confines of the office.

"He's carrying out an investigation for me." He said finally.

Owen watched his leader through narrowed eyes, realisation of the implications of that slowly sinking in. Owen was incredulous.

"You put Tea Boy out there on his own, with no back up? Jesus Jack what the hell are you playing at?"

"Ianto knows what he is dong, he's been dealing with this thing for months and he's finally making some serious progress." Jack responded more than a little defensively. Owen arched his eyebrows.

"He's a kid Jack! A receptionist with almost no field experience. How the hell is he going to cope with what's happened to him?"

"He'll be fine Owen. I'll take care of him, but he stays on the mission. Ianto will be ok. He's a lot stronger and far more capable than you think."

"Bullshit Jack!" He hissed.

"Owen, I've already suggested we pull the plug on this. Ianto refused. He thinks he can do this and I agree with him. He knows the risks and is prepared to take them. This is a major issue that has to be dealt with." Jack retorted firmly.

Owen got up and faced him. "You're using him. That stupid love sick boy would walk into a burning building if you asked him to. This isn't about the job, or duty Jack. It's because he's besotted with you. If Ianto dies doing this thing I hope you feel guilty for a very, very long time because you will deserve to. You are a fucking bastard Jack Harkness." Owen turned and left slamming the door behind him. Jack glared at the door for a moment, angry with Owen for not seeing the bigger picture but even more with himself for not bringing the rest of the team into the loop on this at the start.

Ianto awoke and stretched his arms to try and ease the pain and stiffness in his shoulders. How he had actually managed to sleep on the metal autopsy bench was beyond him, but then he realised that Owen had had something to do with that. Cautiously he sat up hurting all over, inside and out. Ianto did not want to think about it. It took him a moment to register the fact that Jack was standing there beside him proffering a soft bath towel and a pile of clean clothes. He placed them on the exam table beside his…Jack wondered at that. What was Ianto to him now?

"How are you feeling?" He asked gently.

"I'll be all right Jack." Ianto responded, not making eye contact. "Just as soon as these ribs heal."

Jack grasped his hand. "That's not what I meant. Owen told me about the other things they did to you."

Ianto's face burned with the shame of it. "Really Jack I'm fine." He pulled his hand away from Jack's grasp and gathered the bundle of clothes and the towel. "I er…I'm gonna get cleaned up. Excuse me."

Jack stepped back to let him pass noticing the intensely unpleasant look Owen cast his way as he did so.

Ianto stood under the shower head with eyes closed, hands splayed on the tiled wall as the scalding water ran over him. He had scrubbed furiously at his skin inspite of the pain and now he just stood there trying to drown the feeling of dirtiness that still clung to him. His tears losing themselves in the stream, his body wracked with heavy, painfully heaved sobs. He finally sank down to the floor drawing his knees tightly into his chest. Ianto didn't notice a hand reach in to turn the water off and it took him some time to realise that the person holding him was Owen.

Ianto sat quietly, a towel wrapped around his narrow waist as Owen carefully re did the bandaging to protect Ianto's cracked ribs.

"You really need to be careful with these mate. Take a couple of weeks off to get some rest." Owen advised gently as he worked.

Ianto nodded not really listening, so Owen continued.

"Jack told me about the investigation you're working on. You should pull out Ianto. It's getting too dangerous and Jack shouldn't have exposed you like that in the first place." He tried to sound firm and friendly at the same time, but Ianto still didn't reply.

"Look Ianto, mate. I know you and Jack have this thing going, but you don't have to do everything he tells you to do."

That finally got the Welshman's attention. He looked at Owen appreciating his concern.

"This isn't about Jack. I do have a choice and I am going to see this through. If I walk away those people will still be out there, killing others. Jack warned me of the dangers, offered to shut down the operation, but I know what's at stake if I fail. You guys go out there every day, facing weevils and gods knows all the other kinds alien trash that gets dumped on us. This is no different Owen and Jack's right. I can do this. I know what it is to hide behind secrets and lies. Jack's using my skills in the same way that you are the medic around here and Tosh is the Techie. Though I'm not quite sure what Gwen does. Don't be mad at him Owen. Jack's upset enough over what happened to me."

Owen shook his head. "Stuff Harkness. What about how you feel Ianto? Doesn't that matter to you?"

Ianto looked up at his colleague. "No, not really. I've lost everything that ever mattered. At least with this I can do some good, otherwise there really is nothing."

"What about you and Jack?"

Ianto huffed out a breath, which made him wince. "The only thing that binds us together is loneliness. He looses everyone because he can't die and I've already lost everyone. We understand each other, but that's as far as it goes." Ianto explained wondering why he was telling Owen all of this.

"I thought you were in love with him."

Ianto half smiled, love, what a joke. "I am. I love him enough to understand that I am as temporary as everything else in his life. It's Gwen he wants to be with anyway."

Owen arched his eyebrows. That was news to him. "He told you that?"

Ianto shook his head. "I've just seen the way he looks at her."

"And I've seen the way he looks at you." Owen countered. "You haven't told him how you feel have you?"

Once again Ianto shook his head.

"Are you two still shagging each other?"

Ianto frowned at the use of the 'S' word. "No, not since he got back. He asked me out on a date a while ago now, but we haven't done it yet."

Owen was looking exasperated. "He can be such a twat sometimes."

Ianto began pulling on a clean shirt and shakily doing up the buttons.

"Tell him how you feel Ianto." Owen said firmly. "I know I can be a right wanker sometimes and you've every right to think that of me, but trust me. You need to tell him."

"And have my heart broken all over again? I don't think so Owen. He ran out on me before remember? I couldn't take that a second time." Ianto abruptly changed the subject. "I have to get ready. Thank you Owen, for helping me, for everything really."

Owen stood up. "You're a good mate Ianto. You're also a twat. I know we have our moments, but you know where I am if you need me."

Ianto nodded not entirely certain where this sudden show of compassion was coming from. He was grateful for it none the less.

"Thank you Owen."


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER SIX**

Ianto wandered back into the main part of the Hub with his customary tray of drinks for everyone. Both Gwen and Tosh did a double take at the sight of the blackening bruises on Ianto's cheek but neither girl commented, just thanking him for their coffees. Ianto handed a mug to Owen and took the last one up to Jack's office. As soon as the door was heard to close Gwen faced Owen.

"What happened?"

Owen shrugged which was incredibly annoying. "He came in last night a bit pissed and fell down the stairs into the autopsy bay." He said flatly, sipping on his amazing cup of coffee. Gwen was not even slightly convinced but the look on Owen's face told her not to enquire further.

Jack gratefully accepted the mug that Ianto handed to him. He looked up. Ianto was dressed in a charcoal tailored suit and dark red shirt and Jack just had to pause to look at him as Ianto turned to leave with out offering a word.

"Ianto?" Jack ventured.

"Yes sir?" The office face was back, Ianto's hand on the door.

"Sit down. And drop the 'sir'. I thought we'd talked about that already."

Ianto didn't move.

"Please Ianto." Jack was shocked that he hadn't been obeyed automatically.

Unhappily Ianto sat down putting the empty tray on the floor beside his feet, he gazed about avoiding Jack's eyes, his hands resting on his knees. A long silence descending on them, Jack eventually broke it.

"We need to talk Ianto."

"About what, sir?"

Jack sighed. "About that for a start. I thought you and I were going to be ok now. I mean that you'd at least call me Jack."

Ianto nodded. "We're fine." He responded robotically.

"No we're not. I seem to remember asking you out on a date a few months back. I still want that, do you?"

For the first time Ianto looked straight at him, his expression blank. "I'm not sure if it's such a good idea. With work and everything…" He trailed off not wanting to have this conversation, he was too tired and hurting and Jack seem more worried about himself than anything.

Jack moved from his chair to sit on his desk next to Ianto, he took hold of the Welshman's left hand noting a mild flinch as he did so.

"Would it make any difference if I told you that I loved you?"

Ianto gaped up into Jack's eyes and straight away saw the truth of his words. Part of him was over joyed to hear him say such a thing, but mostly he was distrustful and even angry. Jack often said things to people that they wanted to hear. Even if it were true, he just wasn't ready to accept it. "You love all of us Jack and what has Owen been saying to you?" He asked allowing a hint of anger to show in his voice.

Jack shrugged not understanding the relevance of the question. "He told me off for giving you the assignment." He knew there was something that the medic hadn't discussed with him.

"He did?"

Jack smiled. "He was right. I deserved the bollocking he gave me. And you haven't answered my question." Jack reminded him gently.

"Yes it makes a difference, but only if you don't leave me again, only if you are saying because you want to, not because you think I need to hear it."

"I know that hurt and yes I am saying it because I want to, because I want you to believe me when I say it."

Ianto chewed at his lip. "Actually you have no idea what I went through." He wanted to be sure that Jack understood how he felt. "You broke my heart the day you told me about 1941 and the real Jack Harkness. Then you kissed me like it really meant something and then you deserted us for 5 months. Maybe we deserved that for turning on you the way we did. I don't know anymore. I just don't want to be taken for granted and I know I will be."

"I promise you won't be. Ianto, I told you I had a lot of time to think about things whilst I was away. I know where I am supposed to be, where I want to be."

Ianto almost smiled. "You can't make that promise. You will take me for granted because you always do and because this job we both do will always put you in the position of having to choose between being my boss and my…. Whatever it is we could be. I just don't want to fall back into being shagged at your convenience any more. Or compromise your position as leader."

Jack was stung by the remark.

"You think, that's all you were to me?"

"At the time, yes. I don't blame you Jack. We never made any promises to one another. I wanted your comfort back then and you saved me from falling into darkness. I was in so much despair and you were there, even after what I'd done. And it is not easy for anyone combining the kind of work that we do with any kind of relationship. I don't regret what we were or what we did, but I can't go back to that."

Jack gently rubbed circles on the back of Ianto's hand with his thumb.

"I'm making one now, a promise to you Ianto Jones of a new start for us."

Ianto closed his eyes for a moment. "I know you are." He replied, relieved and terrified in equal measure. It could only end in tears.

"So we have date then?"

Ianto finally nodded, he wanted this, didn't he? "Maybe, once this job is done. I'd like that." He replied. They both stood up, Jack keeping a soft hold of Ianto's hand.

"I meant what I said. I do love you."

Ianto just looked at him with intense longing and closing his eyes he brushed a kiss to Jack's forehead. Jack enfolded him in a gentle embrace a hand roaming through Ianto's soft hair. Ianto finally slid his arms around Jack's waist leaning into his body and holding on as tightly as he could not wanting to ever have to let go. It took him a moment to realise that Jack was whispering soothingly to him in Welsh and Ianto smiled because it sounded funny with the American accent. Reluctantly Ianto eventually eased himself from Jack's embrace.

"I need to get those things from the archives." He said. The spell broken Jack took a pace back.

"Yeah, of course. Get Tosh to help you, make sure everything that you need is working…."

He was interrupted mid sentence by the phone on his desk ringing. Jack sighed and turned to answer it and Ianto took that as his cue to leave the office.

**TWTWTWTWTWTW**

Jack had lost contact with Ianto. He was beyond worried and completely helpless to do anything about it.

Jack took the seat offered to him in front of Major Simmons' desk gearing himself up for an argument of monumental proportions….

The call had come into Jack's office at lunchtime. UNIT no less and he had been requested; no ordered to report in to HQ in Surrey immediately, under no uncertain terms. Jack was about to hang up after a few choice swear words and then the name Ianto Jones entered into the heated conversation. Jack froze and simply said he'd be there before slamming down the receiver. He nearly caused a major accident on the M4, driving the entire way well over the speed limit and for once he found himself grateful that Ianto wasn't in the car with him. All the while pounding the steering wheel with his fist and swearing at the motorists on the road with him. He was cursing the Doctor who had disabled his teleporter and he was cursing himself because he'd lost touch with Ianto, his Ianto, three days previously. Sitting at a set of lights Jack half wondered to himself when Ianto had become 'his Ianto'. Damn it!

Major Simmons resumed his place at his expansive polished desk and pulled open a draw fetching out two glasses and a bottle of single malt. Pouring two very generous measures he handed one to Jack who gratefully accepted it. Jack and Simmons knew each other well and Jack was very glad that he was dealing with this man instead of another.

"What's going on John?"

Simmons relaxed back in his chair and undid the top two buttons of his uniform jacket. He took a long draught from his glass and faced Jack with his pale eyes a serious expression on his freckled face.

"So how are you Jack?" Simmons had never managed to rid himself of his Glaswegian accent, even after 20 years in the military and 20 years of absence from his place of birth.

Jack noted the deliberate ignoring of his question, but he tolerated it from this man. Simmons was actually one of the good guys, well as good as they ever got in UNIT. The accent set Jack's teeth on edge though.

"I'm good. Yourself?"

Simmons nodded, pleasantaries out of the way then.

"Ianto Jones, we need to discuss him."

Jack kept his face impassive. "Why is that?" He was going to be cautious here, regardless this man was still UNIT and Jack didn't trust any of them.

"Is he one of your boys gone bad? Jealous lover perhaps?"

Jack leaned forward. "Who needs to know?" He kept his neutral.

"I need to know Jack. He's smack bang in the middle of one of my operations and MI5 are now interfering as well. Quite frankly I don't want it screwed up by a bunch of spooks and amateur theatrics."

Jack half smiled at the reddening in Simmons' face. Ianto was many things, but never amateur or theatrical for that matter, but what the hell were MI5 up to?

"Ianto is working for me." He said finally not entirely certain that he should have divulged this. If things were 'going down' Jack needed to know about it for Ianto's sake.

"Pull him out. You have no idea just how far this thing goes." Simmons' tone darkened considerably.

"Can't do that, we're well beyond that point. Ianto knows what he is doing. He can handle it." Jack said, but he was doubtful now, and worried about the whole thing.

"Then I need to know what his orders are. There are others on the inside, it's going to be highly embarrassing if people on the same side start shooting at each other."

Jack placed his glass down on Simmons' desk. "I'll be honest with you I don't know how Ianto intends to play this. I haven't heard from him in three days."

Simmons held Jack's gaze for a good few minutes, realising that his Torchwood counterpart was genuinely worried about his operative. "I can tell you he's alive and well, holed up in Murry's Chelsea apartment. Your Mr Jones is his favourite play thing by all accounts."

Jack failed to hide a wince at the term of phrase.

"Yeah, we saw his handiwork a couple of weeks back. So what's going down? Should I be worried?"

Simmons nodded. "We should all be worried. Murry's people have some very powerful weapons, we still don't know where they are located, but there is a sale taking place sometime in the near future but…"

"You don't know when and where yet. Brilliant." Jack heaved out a frustrated breath wishing, and not for the first time, that he hadn't gotten Ianto involved.

Simmons recognised that look, he was only too familiar with it when he looked in the mirror.

"Jack if this goes to shit a lot of people will lose their lives."

"You think I don't know that. So, what's the plan?"

"As with all of these kind of operations, we sit and wait."

It was not a satisfactory answer, but Jack knew it was the only one he was going to get. The bad feeling in his gut got ten times worse.


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

Ianto shoved his hands into the pockets of his hoodie and strode purposefully through the circular doorway into the Hub. Completely ignoring his teammates he charged up the steps to Jack's office and barged in slamming the door behind him.

Jack was on his feet straight away to greet him but Ianto frantically shook his head and put his hand to Jack's mouth to silence him at the same time as shoving a rumpled piece of paper into Jack's hand. Jack frowned and registered that Ianto needed him to read it quickly before speaking. It was scribbled hurriedly in Welsh, thank God he knew the language was all Jack could think as he read.

'_I'm bugged with a mic. Need artefact duc 2234a . Final phase sw19 4bw 7pm day after tomorrow. Sorry Jack we're about to have an argument make it a good one. Yan x'_

Jack looked straight across into Ianto's gorgeous blue eyes and baulked at how thin and pale he was looking.

"You're late again Ianto!"

"And?"

"We haven't seen you all week, where the hell have you been?" It was a loaded question, Jack hadn't heard from him in days and had been seriously worried.

Ianto was smiling faintly. "None of your fucking business!" He snapped back reaching out to grasp the fingers of Jack's right hand, desperate for the comfort and to make him realise how hard this was. Ianto hated to fight at the best of times but this confrontation had to be believable.

"You here to do your job? Do you even want your job?" Jack squeezed his fingers back. The two of them unable to look away from one another.

"Which one would that be? Tea Boy or the Captain's part time shag?" Ianto demanded, knowing full well he'd have to apologise to Jack later for that comment.

Jack's face darkened for a moment even though he knew that Ianto hadn't meant what he said.

"Ianto get out of my office, clean yourself up and get back to work!"

"Fine, but you can make your own fucking coffee you lazy bastard." Ianto let go his hold and charged out of the office making a show of stomping off in the direction of the locker rooms. Receiving puzzled and concerned glances from Gwen and Tosh as he did so.

"I guess Ianto and Jack aren't an item any more then." Tosh commented unhappily.

Gwen smiled. "They never were, Ianto can't give him what he wants, never could so far as I can see. Sorry was I just being really bitchy then?"

Tosh glared at her and got up. "Yes you were. I'm going to see if Ianto is ok."

"Owen! My office now!" Gwen and Tosh both turned their heads in the direction of Jack's bellowing and Owen swept past them to go to Jack's office.

Once again Owen found Jack marching up and down the lengths of his office. He closed the door.

"You summoned me?"

Jack passed the scrawled message to Owen. "We need to be ready for this."

"What the fuck is it?" Owen had no understanding of the Welsh language.

"Showtime Owen. Then hopefully this thing is in the bag." Jack was concerned by the lack of belief in Owen's dark eyes.

Ianto ran straight down to the archives. Knowing exactly where he needed to go he located the correct shelf and pulled out the item that Murry had instructed him to retrieve. He was shoving it down the front of his hoodie as Tosh caught up with him. He swore as soon as he registered her presence. Tosh froze under the fluorescent light.

"Ianto what are you doing?"

A confident smile washed over his young face and he strode over, gathered her in his arms and kissed her forcefully. Tosh was too stunned to react as he pulled away,

"Wow." He muttered. "Heaps better than Jack." His grin was wicked as he walked quickly away from her, thinking _Jack's gonna kill me for this_ but it was the only way of distracting Tosh without engaging in conversation or hurting her. Ianto picked up his pace and fled the Hub. Leaving his shocked colleague in his wake.

**TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW **

Ianto's eyes slid shut. There was nothing he could do about it. There was nothing he wanted to do about it. The blackness of the outside world was too frightening and this blackness was warm, enveloping him like a comfortable old coat. He thought about Jack and the older man's flat refusal to part with his battered air force great coat that was almost 60 years old. Ianto suddenly knew why. The thing defined him, represented everything he wanted to be, everything he had seen and experienced. The things that Jack aspired to. And there was Jack, the thing that Ianto aspired to. His comic book hero. Ianto smiled inwardly to himself, how childish was that? He always felt like an awkward schoolboy around that impossible man. He knew he'd always been out of his depth as far as Jack was concerned.

Ianto had failed. The mission a blow off, his cover, no cover at all and Jason Murry had played him for the fool he was. This was one game Ianto had no instinct for and certainly not the stomach.

It was probably best this way, sliding into the welcoming empty black of beyond, quietly unafraid for the first time in his short life. He wouldn't have to see Jack's anger or Tosh's muted tears…. Would she cry over him? Would anyone?

"Ianto? Ianto, mate. Come on wake up."

Ianto didn't want to, the familiar voice too far away from him to feel the need to latch on to it. The acerbic cockney tones were unwelcome. If he kept sliding he'd find Lisa, his Mam and Tad. Things would be better then and the incessant pain in his gut that had lingered for months would finally leave him. He would be happy then, lost in dreams and possibilities he had been so harshly deprived of. The world no longer mattered, the anger the loneliness and the fear fell away in ecstatic waves, shuddering through his broken soul and out of his shattered body.

"Jesus. Ianto, not now please, not now."

The distant plea was ignored. It felt right to leave it behind, sinking further away into….

Jack had not been happy about having an NHS ambulance crew ship Ianto off to St George's hospital, but Owen had screamed at him giving the older man no choice. Ianto's life depended on it. There was simply no time to piss about. In that event Jack had turned aggressively toward the two UNIT officers who were closest to him, yelling his demands for an explanation as to what had gone wrong. They were clueless and completely unmoved by Jack's outburst. Torchwood had no right interfering in this business anyway, if their operative had got himself killed tough luck as far as they were concerned. The whole operation was a blow off anyway. A monumental screw up at that and eighteen good people had been left dead as a result. The clean up was going to be a nightmare. Jack could see their resentment in the way their hands tightened around the butts of their firearms, looking for any excuse. Jack turned away trying to calm himself down. UNIT had lost an entire team he should know better than to provoke them. He left the bombsite, deciding to follow the ambulance that was carrying Ianto away.

Owen wandered over to Jack proffering a cup of coffee prized out of the machine sitting in the AnE department of St George's Hospital. Jack accepted it with a nod of thanks and instantly regretted taking a sip.

Owen smiled an apology. "Best I could find. Any news?"

Jack shook his head running his hand shakily through his hair. "He's still in theatre." The reply was quiet, guilt ridden.

Owen leaned back on the plastic chair next to Jack. "I spoke to the girls, just about managed to convince Tosh to stay in Cardiff. I haven't given any details, just told them he'd been injured and that we were dealing with it."

"Thank you Owen." Jack was grateful, he really didn't want to deal with the two women on his team right now.

Two nurses walked hurriedly by and Owen lost in his own thoughts for a moment followed them with his gaze. He had worked in one of these places once. Healed people, flirted with the nurses, fallen in love with Katie, lost her and drowned in over whelming futility until the man sitting beside him had saved him from burying himself in his own grief and despair. Owen snuk a sneaky look at Jack's face, grief, the Captain rarely wore his deepest feelings so openly and realised just how much this hurting his boss. Losing one of the team was bad enough, but Ianto was clearly far more than that.

"He'll be ok Jack. Ianto's a tough little shit."

Jack didn't respond to the comment.

"It's not your fault Jack. He chose this and like he said to me, it's his job. What we get paid for. Ianto wouldn't have it any other way." Owen was trying to reassure himself as much as anything. _Fuck's sake he's just a boy._

"Yeah right." Jack muttered. He stood up and walked away leaving Owen to sigh.

Gwen Cooper carefully pushed open the door to HDU* and flashed her Torchwood ID at the staff nurse stationed near the entrance. He pointed her in the direction of Ianto's bed. As she expected Jack was sitting at Ianto's side. She gently touched his shoulder and Jack turned, surprised to see her there. Gwen smiled down at him warmly, and planted a kiss on his forehead. Jack barely seemed to notice the contact.

"I've booked you in to the Holiday Inn down the road. I've left an over night bag in the room and here's the key. Go to the hotel, get a shower, some sleep and come back in this evening after you've had a break. I'll sit with Ianto until you get back." She advised gently, trying her best not to make it sound like an order.

The gratitude on his face was clearly evident in his returning smile and Gwen almost melted on the spot, her heart missing a beat. "Go on Jack. I'll call you if he wakes."

Jack rose from the chair and picked up his coat. "Everything back at base ok?"

Gwen nodded looking into his eyes with big sympathetic ones of her own. Jack caught her look and held it for a moment.

"It's been quiet Jack. I was going to head back to Cardiff tonight after you'd had a break."

Jack finally looked away from her back to Ianto, blissfully comatose under all the medical apparatus.

"No, take me back to the hotel. I'll get cleaned up and then we'll both head back. There's nothing more I can do for him here and there's work to do."

Gwen followed his gaze unmoved by what she saw, it didn't look like Ianto underneath all the medical equipment.

"What have they said?"

"He's stable. I've sat here for hours and there have been no changes. I don't think he wants to wake up. Perhaps that's best after everything he's been through." He said quietly.

Gwen briefly squeezed his hand. Jack hauled in a steadying breath. "Come on. Lets go."

While Jack was in the shower Gwen took the liberty of ordering a room service lunch for them. It was waiting for him when he finally stepped out of the bathroom, dressed and towelling at wet hair. They sat opposite one another and ate in silence. Gwen stealing glances at her leader every so often. She eventually ventured to speak.

"If you need anything Jack you only have to ask."

Before he even gave it a thought he got up and pulled her against him kissing her needfully. Gwen clung on to him as they staggered in the direction of the bed, hands pulling at clothes mouths searching out bare skin, not a single guilty thought passing between them as Jack took everything she offered because that was how he dealt with his feelings. He needed something and it was far better than shooting someone.

**AN: Thank you to Fiction 111, PCJanto and I Love Janto for your reviews. Many of you have favourite (is that a word)…. Thank you too. I would welcome your thoughts.**


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

The report on his desk just sat there unread. It had been that way for some time and Jack decided it would have to stay that way. It had been three days since his little tryst with Gwen in the Hotel. Three days of over whelming guilt, not something he was accustomed to with regard to his sexual relationships. He had known with in seconds of getting off the bed that he had made a serious mistake. He was embarrasses at his own weakness and angry that Gwen had known he would do exactly what she expected of him at that time. Pathetic really; when the man he was supposedly in love with was lying in a coma 200 odd miles away.

There was no doubt that Gwen had played him and she ultimately would pay the price because he knew he would reject her if Ianto survived and even if he didn't Gwen was not an option. He just hoped that Ianto never found out. Gwen was not his for a start and any kind of relationship with her would be a destructive one. It would damage Torchwood and that could not be allowed to happen. Cursing himself again he grabbed his mug and wandered out of his office down to the wretched coffee machine that had taken him nearly a week to figure out. The kitchenette was a mess and Jack found himself thinking just how annoyed Ianto would be if he ever saw it. The thought only made him feel more anger. Ianto was still comatose in St George's hospital with not much hope of ever walking out of there again. Jack's fault of course and yes he felt guilty, more than he had ever done before, for a number of reasons. Mechanically he went through the motions of preparing a double espresso. When he went to the fridge to get the coffee beans he noticed for the first time the photographs attached to the door with fridge magnets. Photos that Ianto had taken of his teammates. He detached the one of Tosh, a shy smile on her face and Jack turned the image over in his hands recognising Ianto's elegant script on the back. The words were in Welsh. He vaguely recalled a list that Ianto had once…..

_MORNING: Lemon Tea, Irish clover honey. Cinnamon Rice crackers._

_LUNCH: Rice Tea, cinnamon, Irish clover honey. Sushi Mai Mai mix._

_EVE: Cappuccino single shot. (Only if it's an all nighter.)_

_EVE: Ceylon Tea Black, Peach Rice Crackers._

_NO BANANAS!_

Jack was smiling at the cuteness of the thing. This was so Ianto, so thoughtful in the way he considered everyone's needs. Jack stuck it back to the fridge door and took off Owen's portrait.

_Morning – Lunch – Eve: Triple espresso black, raw sugar x1. Chocolate Hob Nobs (Only if he remembers his manners!) NO NUTS._

A third photograph was inspected, Myfanwy, Ianto's Pterodactyl, or pteranodon as Ianto insisted.

_Morning: Salmon or Lamb leg. Lunch: Hoki (Fussy Beggar). Eve: Blue Cod and carrots. FRIDAYS: Thorntons or GnB 70% dark. Dog biscuits for teeth._

Jack then reached for the photograph of himself, vaguely recalling the day that the picture had been taken. They had all been laughing at something that Owen had done. He flipped it over.

_Bad Mood: Triple Black espresso with Manuka Honey. Good Mood: Latte double shot manuka Honey. Stressed: Hot chocolate with double cream. NO biscuits, Owen says he needs to diet. Bananas, he seems to love those._

Jack baulked at the final statement and then started to laugh to himself. Finally he looked at Gwen's photo.

_Morning: Assam or Green Tea, depending on the time of month. Lunch: Single espresso, black and MnS orange juice. Eve: Hot chocolate, no cream don't want her getting as fat as Rhys. No cheese and absolutely no RED WINE!_

Jack sighed as he replaced that particular image. Gwen had touched his life in a way he could not understand. For a moment back there just after he had got back from his adventure with the Doctor, for a moment….. Then he had thought of Ianto and realised rather unhappily that he loved them both for entirely differing reasons.

Gwen was an ideal, a life he could never have, adoring, beautiful, a wife, children and some kind of whatever passed for a normal life in this day and age. She wasn't afraid to challenge him either and she'd fight tooth and nail for the moral rights of anyone who needed. But this wasn't his day and age just the same as no other time in his existence was ever likely to be. Gwen would expect all the things he could not give and his job left little room for compassion. Fortunately the decision (though not the temptation) was out of his hands. She had chosen Rhys and he was going to make sure she held on to him. Jack knew that Ianto would make no such demands. The Welshman was an exceptionally insightful person whose only expectation had been trust and Jack had abused that on every level. Some how Jack had come to the point where he knew that he needed Ianto beyond anything if he was to hold on to his fragile grasp of his own humanity. Ianto understood who he was and more importantly he had accepted what he was, knowing that what ever happened it would only lead to his own pain and suffering. Even the Doctor could not accept Jack and that had hurt far more than he cared to admit. The Doctor's constant 'wrong' had been Ianto's constant 'right'. Ianto was probably the only person that wasn't in awe of him but Jack was always in awe of Ianto. Ianto just knew all the right things to say and do. Jolted out of his reverie by the ringing of his mobile phone, he replaced the picture and answered the call. It was Owen

"_Jack I am on my way in and as I haven't figured out Coffee Kings machine I thought I'd check to see if you needed a Starbucks."_

Jack totally failed to keep the surprise out of his voice. "Er yeah, thanks Owen double espresso."

"_See you shortly_."

Jack hung up and straight away a second call came through. The caller ID indicated a withheld number. He answered.

"Captain Jack Harkness speaking."

He didn't recognise the voice at the other end of the line.

"_Ah, good. I am just ringing to advise you that Mr Ianto Jones regained consciousness an hour ago. He's stable and asking to see Dr Owen Harper. I would be obliged if you could pass the message on."_

Jack's heart stumbled. "Yes, of course. Doctor Harper is in Cardiff at the moment. Could you tell Ianto we'll be over there in a few hours please." Why wasn't Ianto asking for him?

"_Of course. Thank you Captain."_ The caller hung up. Jack just gaped at his mobile feeling confused and upset.

Jack broke the speed limit almost the entire way into South London. Owen was feeling queasy by the time he extracted himself from the SUV. There were two nurses fussing over Ianto when they entered HDU. Ignoring the NHS staff, Owen stepped round the bed and picked up Ianto's charts and began flipping through the medical notes. Ianto finally free of the ventilator and the bandaging that had been around his head was watching Owen from over the top of the O2 masked over his nose mouth. He was white faced, gaunt and silent. He avoided looking at Jack completely and winced when one of the nurses tried to assist him to move into a more comfortable position. The staff finally left him alone with kind words, smiles and a morphine dispenser gripped loosely in his right hand. Owen pulled up a chair and smiled at Ianto.

"Hey, Tea Boy. How are you doing?"

Ianto slid the mask away for a moment. "Bit tired. I'm ok though." His voice was barely audible and Owen found himself leaning in to hear. "Did we get them Owen? Murry and the others?"

Owen glanced up at Jack then back to Ianto. "No. UNIT ballsed it up. They got away and the tech wasn't recovered either. Sorry Ianto."

Ianto closed his eyes, tears of frustration leaking out. "I went through all that shit for nothing then?"

"Pretty much." Owen gently grasped his hand. "Look mate I just need to have a chat with the docs OK? Jack's here…."

"Send him away. I don't want him near me." Ianto responded bitterly pulling the mask back down over his face and turning his head away.

Owen nodded, frowning. "Ok mate." He turned to Jack who was looking mortified, and stood up. He grasped Jack's arm. "Come on."

Jack did not want to move.

"Jack!" Owen hissed. "I really don't want him upset right now." He firmly steered Jack away from the bedside and out of the ward.

They stood in the corridor Jack still looking over his shoulder through the doors.

"Jack. I'll make the arrangements to get Ianto moved to Cardiff."

Jack nodded. "Yeah, of course. I'll leave it in your hands, cost is irrelevant, lets just get him home. I'll wait for you for in the SUV." He turned and left. Owen had never seen him this upset. Shaking his head he went back into the ward. After the necessary conversations regarding Ianto's transfer Owen returned to Ianto's bedside. The Welshman had gone back to sleep, but it wasn't long before a nightmare disturbed him into wakefulness, momentarily confused Ianto gazed about him wide eyed.

"Owen?" He pulled the mask off again.

"Hey Jones. How are feeling?"

"Déjà vu Owen."

Owen cracked a smile at least the kid's humour was still in there.

"Ok, so why aren't you talking to Jack? He's pretty upset."

Ianto screwed his face up. "Good. Next question."

"Ianto?"

"Leave it Owen. It's something Jack and I will have to argue about later." Ianto's tone of voice told Owen not to push the issue.

"Fair enough. I've made arrangements for you to be transferred to a private hospital in Cardiff…"

"Cancel them."

"What?"

"You heard. Leave me here. I want to be as far away from him as possible. You move me to Cardiff and I will personally poison your coffee."

"Are you sure?"

Ianto nodded. "I need to heal Owen. I can't do that with Harkness looking over my shoulder. I won't be coming back to Torchwood, so leave me here. Go away. Please."

Owen failed to hide his shock. "What ever he's done, it can't be that bad."

"It is that bad. I never want to see him again and while you're at it. Watch your back because he fucking won't." Ianto closed his eyes and turned his head away. "Go back to Cardiff Owen. When I am back on my feet I'll drop by to say good-bye properly. I owe you guys that much at least. Jack'll want to Retcon me anyway and I'd rather choose the moment for that."

Owen couldn't find the words that he needed and it was clear to him that Ianto had said all he was going to. Unhappily he left the ward, wondering what the hell had happened.

They were on the M25 heading away from London before Jack ventured to ask about the arrangements for Ianto's transfer. Owen just glared at him before giving his carefully considered reply.

"Ianto asked me to leave him London until he gets discharged. He didn't want the fuss."

Jack was genuinely confused by this. "What the hell is wrong with him? Did he say why he wouldn't speak to me?"

Owen shifted his position and adjusted his seat belt. "Not in so many words. He was sufficiently pissed off enough to tell me that he's leaving Torchwood and doesn't want you anywhere near him." He Jack an accusing look. "What the fuck did you do Jack?"

Jack just looked bewildered. "I have no idea." His hands tightened around the steering wheel.

Owen was not convinced.

"Really Owen. I don't know."


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER NINE**

Ianto Jones sucked in a nervous breath and jammed his shaking hands into the pockets of his baggy jeans as the roller door opened in front of him. Tosh, on seeing him step through into the Hub, immediately leapt to her feet and ran over giving him a welcoming hug. Gwen was there at her side a moment later, they were both smiling but it was blatantly obvious that Gwen wasn't overly pleased to see him back. Ianto didn't pause to wonder, he knew why. He virtually ignored Gwen but beamed at Tosh, realising just how happy he was to se her. Tosh stood back taking in his casual attire.

"Please tell me you're coming back to work soon. We've missed you."

Then Owen was there at his side offering his hand. Ianto took it pulling him in to a brief embrace, which took the medic by surprise.

"Hey guys its good to see you." Ianto stood back a pace and looked at them each in turn, his gaze lingered on Tosh and Owen, his only friends. He hadn't realised until now how hard this was going to be, but he was resolute. Ianto was done with Torchwood.

"I'm sorry Tosh, but I won't be coming back to work. I've come to hand in my notice." It was difficult keeping his voice level. Tosh's hand went to her mouth as she gasped her dismay.

"You haven't changed your mind then?" Owen regarded him with a concerned gaze.

Ianto shook his head. "Is Jack here?"

Owen gestured. "In his office. Listen Ianto, you don't have to do this."

"Yes I do." Ianto gave Tosh a final little smile as she reached out and briefly touched his hand, then he turned and headed up the stairs to Jack's office.

Jack was up out of his seat the moment Ianto entered the room. He was about to embrace him when he registered the look on the young man's face and just about managed to stop himself in time. He took a pace back as Ianto closed the door behind him.

"Ianto. It's good to have you back. We've missed you. How are you?"

Ianto's face was unreadable now as the Welshman clearly gathered his calm before speaking.

"I resign." He pulled out a rumpled white envelope from the back pocket of his jeans and tossed it onto Jack's desk. "That's a letter of notice."

Jack gaped at him. "Ianto?"

"It's Mr Jones to you."

Jack hitched in a hurt breath. "What ever it is I've done, and I have no idea what it is. I am sorry. Truly sorry Ianto. I would never knowingly hurt you. Please reconsider, we need you here. I need you…"

Ianto shot him a filthy look. "You went to UNIT Jack. You told them I was working on the operation and their informant blew my cover. You went to them when I made it quite clear to you that UNIT had been compromised."

Jack's innards froze. "Simmons?"

"He lied to you. There was no UNIT operation because everything had been handed over to MI5. They were investigating him. He was the snitch Jack and you led him right to me. Your fucking friend, another one of your part time shags no doubt. The whole fucking operation is a blow off because you didn't fucking listen to me, didn't trust me." Ianto was shouting now.

"I have always trusted you." Jack implored, shocked at the venom in Ianto's voice.

"Fuck off Jack. You used me. Owen was right about you. Treat me like so much shit. You're no better than Jason Murry and that bastard is still free because you fucked up and now I have to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulders!" Ianto's face was scarlet with rage.

"I'll protect you."

Jack received a scathing look. "Go to hell Jack." Ianto turned to leave but Jack reached out and grabbed his arm forcefully pulling him round.

"Don't ever touch me again."

Jack immediately released him, deeply hurt. "We need to talk about this. You can't just walk away."

Ianto back peddled a couple of paces in the direction of the door. "I'm done talking to you. I never want to see you again, and I will just walk away because no doubt you'll find me and Retcon me anyway."

"Ianto, please. I….."

Ianto halted, his expression murderous. "I loved you, I can't fucking believe that I actually loved you. Try not to get the others killed." He walked away, closing Jack's office door with a slam behind him. Jack was too stunned to move.

Ianto trotted down the steps to Tosh and Owen, Gwen having gone back to her desk to watch the proceedings in Jack's office with a faint smile on her face. Ianto briefly hugged Tosh.

"Look after each other, Myfanwy's feeding instructions are on the fridge. Make sure you don't give her too much chocolate though, you will look after her right?"

"Of course we will."

He pecked Tosh on the cheek and shook Owen's hand before fleeing from the Hub in tears.

As soon as Ianto had gone Gwen got up and went straight to Jack's office, she strode in without bothering to knock and stopped dead in her tracks when she saw that Jack was hunched over his desk, his face wet with tears.

"What is it Gwen?" He snapped.

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Well as you can see, I'm not so get the hell out and close the door behind you."

Gwen backed out and closed the door and as she looked up she found Owen and Tosh glaring at her.

"Leave it Cooper." Owen was in no mood for her today.

Gwen bristled. "I was making sure he's alright."

"He's not the one you should be worried about." Tosh turned back to her desk and set about tracking Ianto's movements as best as she could. Some one had to watch his back.

**AN; A bit shorter I know but it was a natural chapter break...plenty to come and Ianto's adventure continues... Thanks for reviewing and reading...**


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER TEN**

Joseph Tarrant marvelled at the water tower on Roald Dahl Plas. It was his first ever visit to Cardiff. In his line of work he didn't get to go out much, but he had put in a special request with his CO and his wish had been granted, basically because no one else wanted the job.

Every body at MI5 hated Torchwood and the leader of Torchwood Three was especially unpopular. The man was considered a loose canon and two contracts issued from Frobisher's office had already failed to put the man down. Joseph didn't get involved in the politics, didn't care about them. What he cared about was people, which was why he was here, not for Harkness' benefit, but for one Ianto Jones. Joseph had only the met the young Welshman briefly a couple of times, but he had instantly liked the intelligent wit and quiet courage that the young man had displayed at their meetings. Joseph had also recognised a deep hurt carefully hidden under the dry humour and if one chose to look closely enough it was only visible in the depths of his oceanic eyes. For Joseph it had been love at first sight. Of course, he'd never said because in his job you just didn't and now he wished he had because Jones was dead and he had lost his chance.

Captain Jack Harkness of Torchwood Three was listed as Ianto's next of kin, an ex- lover so rumour had it. It didn't surprise him really, the Captain did have a reputation second to none. It saddened Joseph no end that the boy was probably just another mark on Harkness's bedpost. He gazed about at a group of Japanese tourists who were ambling in the direction of the Millennium Centre with cameras held up to capture the unique the unique building in pictures to be forgotten by the time they got home; then took another glance at his watch.

Harkness was late, probably deliberately so.

No surprises there, the man had no respect for any of the government run organisations. Admittedly after the whole embarrassing Harold Saxon affair, who could blame him. Joseph had begun to lose faith himself. They'd be gossiping about it in CIA HQ for the next 1000 years, after all it there was their president that had bitten the bullet, well been disintegrated anyway. It was a shame really because he was the most promising leader the States had had for years. Still none of all that was any excuse for tardiness and quite frankly it was disrespectful. He knew that Harkness was well aware of his presence on the Plas, there were enough CCTV cameras around. Joseph did not like being kept waiting by a man whom he considered to be beneath him.

When he finally saw Harkness, he recognised him straight away. It was his job to. But everyone knew what the foney Yank looked like, his mug shot graced many a staff room dartboard. Joseph Tarrant sucked in a short breath and stuck out his beautifully manicured hand the moment Harkness was close enough to shake it. Which he didn't. He gave Joseph a rather down his nose look, even though Joseph himself was very slightly taller. Joseph withdrew his hand. Fine, if that's how he wanted to play it.

"I'm Joseph Tarrant. MI5 anti terrorism branch."

"Captain Jack Harkness, but you already know that. You have news of Ianto Jones?" Jack got straight to the point, which Joseph appreciated but he met Harkness' look with one of disdain. "Perhaps we should take this inside?"

Harkness shook his head and folded his arms defensively across his chest. "Just tell me what you know."

Joseph nodded stiffly, alright then.

"Mr Jones was killed last week in Afghanistan, whilst assisting us with the closing down of a terrorist cell run by Jason Murry. He left me with instructions to give you this, should anything happen to him." Joseph noted the colour drain from Harkness' face as he handed over a plain envelope to the older man. Harkness snatched it from his grasp.

"How? What happened to him?" He demanded angrily.

Joseph was unphazed by the posturing. "I'm not privy to the details, but I understand it was a missile attack launched by the Americans. We lost two of our own people as well as Mr Jones. I'm sorry. I just wanted to know if there was any family at all that we could contact."

"You're talking to him." Was hissed between gritted teeth.

Joseph inclined his head, taken aback by Harkness' reaction to the news, but he didn't let it show. Perhaps this man wasn't the inhuman prick everyone claimed he was. "If it is of any consolation Captain. I am sorry for your loss. I only met Ianto a couple of times, but I liked him a great deal. I got the impression he was a good man."

"He was. Where's his body?"

"None of the bodies have been recovered. The American's informed us the target site was completely destroyed." Joseph replied crisply.

"So you've no proof then?"

That was awkward to say the least. "I am quite sure that our counterparts across the water are certain of the outcome Captain. We were shown the satellite footage of the attack. Now unless there is anything else, if you will excuse me. I have a train to catch."

Joseph turned his back on the deflated looking man and walked away.

"_Jack,_

_I don't even know where to begin. I hate the madness of my life, the uncertainties, the not knowing. Did you ever love me? I suspect not. How can you with the life that you are forced to lead? My mam used to tell me off for having a 'well worn look' on my face. Some days I feel like I am older than the universe itself. I have seen too much and I know I will always carry these things on my back no matter what. Some how, all that was bearable when I was with you. Just in those moments when you'd whisper my name in the dead of night I was able to forget my own pain and feel alive, really alive._

_I'll be dead if you ever get the chance to read this. Mr Tarrant kindly agreed to pass this on to you. Though the truth is I do not know why I am bothering to share my last thoughts with you. Unfortunately you are all I have. It's a bit pathetic really that I am come to this. I really believed for a while there that things would be good for us._

_My flat is paid for, sell it and give the money to Owen and Tosh, there's no one to leave the contents too so you may as well just throw everything out. I haven't left anything personal there. My neighbour has the cat, just tell her to re home him if she can't keep him. If there is a body to deal with, put me in the morgue next to Lisa._

_That's all really._

_Give my love to Owen and Tosh and tell them to sort it out and get together, they're good for each other._

_Ca Choel Jack_

_Ianto_

Jack carefully placed the letter on the boardroom table and looked at Owen and Tosh.

"I'm sorry."

Owen glared angrily at Jack. "Are you telling me he went over to MI5 after he left us?"

Jack nodded. "They apparently asked him to help, because of his knowledge of the alien technology. The Americans wanted to know about everything that Murry had, to make sure it was safe to blow it all to hell. As soon as they were given the all clear they did just that. None of the British team got out. Acceptable losses so I am told. I think Ianto knew it would be a one way trip. Actually I think he was counting on it. Either way it's done and UNIT has been cleaned out as well."

"How long have you known?" Tosh demanded.

"I received this letter yesterday. I've been making some phone calls over night to try and get some more information about what happened to him."

Owen slammed his fist down on the desk, making Tosh Jump.

"Fuck, this is all your fault Jack." He lurched to his feet and made for the door.

"Where the hell are you going?"

"To get pissed and give Ianto a decent send off. Come on Tosh, lets get out of here."

She rose to her feet and followed him out of the room.


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

'_Woe Betide The Man that Cannot Walk But Hath Good Feet, That Cannot See But Only Dream, That Speaks And Not Be Heard. For That Man Is Doomed Through Out Eternity'_. Ianto remembered that verse from somewhere, but for the life of him he couldn't remember where it was from, or why he was thinking of it now. He knew that so long as he stayed on his feet and kept walking, eventually he'd be okay. His Mam had always said that to be still was to invite death. So he walked, through the cuts and blisters on his feet, the burning sun on his back and the swirling dust in his eyes. Walking was so simple, one foot in front of the other, then repeat and repeat again. Easy really, so long as he remembered where the ground was he'd be fine. Just don't look at your feet. See the world and focus on the horizon, the future is there, so she once said. The future. The only thing there was an empty death. So why not just stop and die? No, keep walking. Not fucking ready to give up just yet. Not yet, still got so much to do and things that need to be said. Not dead, not dead, not dead yet. One foot forward, then the next, come on. That's not hard. Come on one foot then the next, repeat, repeat. Shit I sound like a broken vinyl. I'm not dead yet. God, I could murder a coffee, not that shit that Owen makes though. Just a few more feet, a few more, come on Jones, it's not that hard. Is it? Come on it can't be much further now, can it? Where was he going? If he died out here wouldn't he just wake up again? No, that was Jack. Jammy bastard. Oh God Jack, the amazing, the beautiful, the charming…..he's probably shagging Gwen right about now. Don't think about it. Forget him. Keep walking, maybe I'll meet that nice MI5 man again. Shit, it's so hot, feels like my back is on fire. My feet…keep walking…Jack…keep walking. The future is waiting….The 21st century is when it all ends….Jack

Ianto groaned and rolled over. His eyes reluctantly opened to reveal shadows and flecks of a myriad of colours. The scent of spices caused him to inhale a deep slow warming breath. It reminded him of things left behind in another time and place, the memory failed him. Cautiously he sat up waiting for his vision to settle and it took him a moment to realise that he was in fact sitting up. When had he stopped plodding through the heat and dust? His body was stiff and unyielding and every muscle protested at the movement so he lay back down again and let the beautiful smell take him to some illusive but pleasant memory. He gazed about from his horizontal position suddenly aware of a woman's voice… She was singing. What a wonderful thing. Some one was singing and Ianto smiled for what felt like the first time in his life. He slid back into peaceful slumber, wondering if perhaps he was in heaven.

Owen ripped off his latex gloves and dumped them in the bin. He pulled off his lab coat and slung it over the rail as he walked up the steps from the autopsy bay in the main Hub. To his surprise Tosh was still at her terminal and he wandered over to see what she was doing.

"Hey Tosh, shouldn't you be at home by now?"

She looked and half smiled at him, then gestured to the CCTV feed on her monitor.

"He's still up there."

"Don't worry about it, he'll come down when the alarm goes off, he always does." Owen knew how empty that pathetic reassurance was.

"What are we going to do Owen, we can't go on with him behaving like this. Jack's just not with us any more and we really need him to be."

"Yeah, I know."

"It's been weeks Owen."

"Yeah, well the sale on Ianto's flat went through today. I think Jack was kind've hoping it wouldn't. I guess it's that last thing you don't want to let go of when some one dies, kind've makes it final."

"But they weren't even together, that bust up was pretty final."

"Doesn't mean to say that they stopped loving each other though does it." Owen sighed. "I'm making coffee, want one?"

"No thanks it's ok."

"It's my turn to feed that bloody bird, bollocks I almost forgot."

Tosh smiled. "I'll do it if you like. I enjoy feeding her. I think she likes me."

"No Tosh, she likes Salmon, just make sure you don't get close enough for her to like you, she's got a nasty set of teeth."

Owen was fiddling about with the coffee machine when his mobile rang. He yanked it out of his pocket, not recognising the caller ID._ Who the fuck's ringing me at this time of night?_

"Dr Owen Harper, who's speaking?" He grabbed a mug.

"_Dr Harper hi,"_ Who ever it was had to shout, the line was terrible. _"I'm Dr Julia Bennett. I'm on a Sat phone, so you might lose the signal bare with me… Are you Doctor Owen Harper of Torchwood Cardiff?"_

"Yeah, I am who the hell are you?" Owen demanded.

"_British Red Cross. I'm phoning from Kabul. I have a patient who wants to speak to you. Hold the line…"_

Owen was shaking his head wondering if this was some kind of crank call. He about to hang up.

"Owen?"

_Shit!_

"Ianto? Fuck Ianto is that you?" Owen would recognise that accent anywhere.

"_Yeah, hi. I need a lift….."_

"You what?,…Shit Tosh I've got Ianto on the bloody phone. Get Harkness down here now! Ianto mate where the fuck are you?"

"_Not really sure…Dr Bennett will fill you in, just come and pick me up…gotta go….Dr Harper? Write this down."_

Owen was still gaping at his phone when Jack charged in through the roller door. He practically skidded to a halt in front of Owen. The medic thrust a piece of paper at him with GPS co-ordinates scribbled on it.

"Come on Harkness, kick some Torchwood arse and get us a plane sorted out. We've got a Tea Boy to collect." He was actually laughing.

It was the longest flight of Owen's life. Ok so Ianto was alive and they were on their way to fetch him and Owen was very happy about that, not that he'd tell Ianto of course, no that just wouldn't do… 'Shit I'm rambling God I'm bloody rambling in my head…Must be feeling air sick. I could really do with a paper bag right now.' He was rather hoping for a sleek jet instead of the underbelly of an RAF Hercules cargo plane. At short notice though it was the best they could do especially as Torchwood would be paying the rather hefty bill for the trip.

Jack didn't much care about the £40,000 bill, he'd fiddle the accounts if he had to. Mind you he was sure the MOD were charging this much because they didn't like him. Bastards! So long as they got Ianto home safe and sound. He sat leaning against the bulkhead watching Owen who was looking a little air sick. Jack sighed, he was terrified, part of him wasn't even certain that he should've come with Owen given his last conversation with Ianto. That had been months ago now. Ianto would probably send them right back to RAF Lyneham with out him. The relief was over whelming. His Ianto, alive. Well maybe not his Ianto now. Would that beautiful young Welshman even look at him, or speak to him? There was so much hurt between them and Jack wondered if anything of their relationship could be salvaged. He realised he was being selfish of course. The most important thing was to make sure that Ianto was ok and to get him home where he would be looked after and be safe. Jack chewed at his fingernails, not something he had done since his adolescence, he couldn't ever remember feeling this nervous before. He grimaced as he watched Owen hurl up into a bag, perhaps it was a good job he had come after all. He wandered over to Owen and passed him a bottle of water completely unperturbed by the turbulence. Owen hated him for it, Jack could tell.

The drive from the air field wasn't much better. Fours hours of stifling heat and dust and an old Land Rover with no suspension, Jack behind the wheel didn't help much either. He'd needed to drive to take his mind off the impending reunion. He somehow managed to find every pot hole in the dirt roads and every crack in the poorly maintained tarmac ones.

Owen remembered why he never liked to travel unless it was first class of course. Jack appeared to be enjoying the adventure but the enigmatic man remained strangely silent. They arrived at the field hospital around 7pm local time. Owen had never seen the like before except on the 6 o clock news. A collection of desert coloured tents ringed by hundreds of all kinds ofmake shift bivvy's and shelters. People were milling about in their own worlds, children running around them. Dust clung in the air above the dry, stony ground and there was a constant noise, voices, babies, jabbering, laughter. It was almost musical and Owen had to pause to listen to the harmonious clamour. It brought a smile to his face. Frontier medicine, something he had never reckoned on doing in his life. Even in the grime and pain of a place like this, the ends of the earth and some one out there was still laughing. There's hope for human kind yet. Owen found that oddly comforting.

Dr Bennett, a sexy Australian (In Owen's opinion) was waiting for them when they got there. Even with her straggled hair and dusty face, the smile she gave was dazzling, similar to Jack's. Owen introduced himself and held out his hand in greeting.

"Dr Owen Harper. From Torchwood, I'm here for Ianto Jones. This is Jack Harkness."

She grasped his hand firmly and gave it a warm enthusiastic shake. "Julia. That was quick I wasn't expecting you for another couple of days until the Air Force called ahead that is. You guys must have a lot of clout." She out stretched her calussed hand to Jack who briefly shook it. "Come on. I'll take you to him."

She grasped Owen's shoulder briefly, "This way."

"How is he?"

"Actually not too bad. A farmer brought him into the camp three weeks ago, said he found him out in the desert. He's basically suffering from exposure, there's some cuts to his back. They look like razor wiremarks, but he wouldn't talk about his injuries, but he's only been coherent enough to talk for a couple of days."

Owen let out of sigh of relief.

"Is he well enough to be moved?"

Julia nodded. "Yeah, should be, there's no life threatening damage. I need the bed space anyway so if you can take him back to civilisation I'd be grateful. I will need some details though, paperwork you understand."

"Yeah, no problem."

Jack trailed behind reluctant to join the exchange of words, this was Owen's field anyway. Jack had no great desire to talk as they strode through the dirt between two cluttered lines of shelters. The smell of decay hung over him. He'd seen too many of these places in the past, though normally they had been packed with dying and maimed soldiers, crying out for their absent mothers. The memory made him shudder and he tried to keep his gaze fixed on Owen's back so that he didn't have to look further. A sense of dread began to seep in. Ianto.

At first Owen didn't recognise him. A skinny figure tangled in a rough sheet with longish sun bleached hair and sunburnt cheeks and arms. Owen knelt down beside the camp/ bed come cot and gently brushed the brittle locks away from Ianto's sleeping face.

"This is Ianto Jones I take it?" The Australian doctor asked softly.

Owen looked up her with a massive smile on his face.

"Yep, we'll take it from here and we'll be out of your hair first thing in the morning. Thanks."

"You're welcome, glad to see a happy ending, we don't get enough of those around here."

Jack had hung back, not quite sure what he should do. Owen made the decision for him.

"Jack, get me some water from somewhere, would you?"

"Sure." He turned and walked away.

"I'll show you." Doctor Bennett said with a smile.

As soon as the two of them had left Owen pulled out his modified PDA and did a quick scan of Ianto's vitals. He was relieved to find nothing too seriously amiss. A few anti biotics, some decent food and a lot of rest would most likely put everything right. He packed his scanner back into his bag and returned his attention to Ianto. It was a bit of a shock to see the obsessively neat man in this state, but on closer inspection Ianto appeared to be resting very comfortably. There was contentment on his face even under the beginnings of a beard and the rawness that reddened his normally alabaster skin Owen could see that the young man was obviously somewhere very relaxing right now. Not willing to_ disturb his _restful state Owen stood up only to be confronted by a very anxious looking Captain Jack holding a canteen of water. Owen grasped his arm and steered him away.

"Owen?"

"He's fine Jack, sound asleep. I didn't have to heart to wake him. You know what the journey back tomorrow is going to be like. Let him rest. You can talk to him tomorrow."

Jack was glancing over his shoulder.

"He's definitely OK?"

"Nothing a few unhealthy takeaways won't cure."

Jack stopped in his tracks. "I want to sit with him."

Owen halted at his side not sure that he should agree to that. "All right, but don't wake him. I mean it. Let the poor bugger sleep."


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

Jack settled himself on the hard, sandy floor sitting cross legged next to the side of Ianto's camp bed. Owen hovered there for a moment close by uncertain whether or not he should remain. The urge to keep an eye on Jack as well as Ianto was strong, but he was tired from the rough journey.

"You staying here all night?"

Jack nodded.

"Fine. I'm going back to the Land Rover to sleep. Get some one to fetch me if you need me." Owen left a little reluctantly but he knew if Ianto woke up, Jack would want to be there, whether Ianto wanted to see him or not. He headed off with a brief wave of his hand.

Jack sat there trying to ignore the sounds and smells around him. He hated these places, where mere mortals faced their makers. War, famine and social displacement sounded and smelt the same no matter what planet one was on. Given the instability of the region and the fact that Ianto wasn't local, it was a miracle that he was alive at all. The Taliban did not take kindly to westerners wandering about their country. Jack found himself wondering what had actually happened. MI5 had been scant on the details, most likely because the American intelligence agencies had white washed them with the usual 'diplomatic excuses' that all government agencies were so fond of the world over. Ianto called it plausible deniability. Jack preferred the word bullshit. They all traded in secrets and lies to some greater or lesser degree. Torchwood just used Retcon.

Even though Ianto looked rough, Jack was pleasantly surprised to see him sprawled out in an ungainly fashion, his mouth partially open, face smooth and unworried in slumber. It was a rare sight; in all the time Jack had known him he had never seen such a peaceful expression on Ianto's face. It was a beautiful thing to behold and he couldn't help but feel a little sad that he wasn't the cause of it. He wanted so desperately to reach out and brush the hair away that had fallen over his face. But he didn't for fear of disturbing him. Jack felt he no longer had that right. He would have to content himself by sitting there and looking, which was fine really because he loved watching Ianto sleep. He sat there, even as the darkness fell and the lanterns were extinguished for the night, just looking, keeping watch hoping by some small chance that Ianto knew he was there and that he was safe and going home. The time slid by punctuated by the murmurings and occasional moans from other patients. A dog barked at one point and was quickly silenced. Later, Jack thought he heard a baby crying in the distance. The night became chilly and Jack carefully took off his precious coat and spread over Ianto's slumbering form. Sometime during the early hours a woman stopped by to check on him, she exchanged a look with Jack and they briefly smiled at one another but__didn't speak as she moved on to the next patient. Ianto didn't stir all night so deep was his sleep and Jack was grateful because the journey back to Cardiff was going to be long and not especially comfortable. As the light of the following day seeped in through the tarpaulin Ianto began to move stretching out a bandaged foot from under the sheet and Jack's coat and rolling over on to his back with a soft moan as his body protested at the movement. Jack watched, a faint smile on his face.

"Hey, Ianto. Good morning."

It was painful, that whole thing of waking up stiff and unyielding, aware of the stench of ones own sweat and matted hair. _God, I feel like shit, must look just as bad…_

"Hey Ianto. Good Morning."

He snapped open his eyes to the sound of _that_ voice and turned his head. His breath froze in his chest. _Oh, Jack._ He sat up awkwardly pulling the sheet with him to cover his naked chest. The coat slid to the ground and Jack retrieved it

"Jack. I thought Owen was coming." Ianto's voice was ragged. He wouldn't look him in the eyes, not him.

Ianto heard a hesitant sigh, saw the edge of an apprehensive smile. "He's here as well. How are you?"

Ianto baulked. How was he? What kind of a bloody question was that? He had no answer. Silence was all he wanted. Reassurance that came with quiet, everything was easier when he didn't have to speak.

His gaze drifted to another part of the tent and a man in the bunk opposite recovering from a land mine injury.

"Ianto?" The tone was undemanding, filled with worry and was that fear? Ianto knew fear too well.

"How am I? I don't know. How are you?" He finally looked into those eyes, the ones that had captured his heart so many months ago. Another lifetime ago in someone else's life. It was hard to keep his voice level and strong enough to be heard.

"Just glad you're safe." Was Jack's reply. The hope was dashed.

"Safe." Ianto muttered and looked away, he'd be happy to cast his gaze anywhere so long as he couldn't see Jack. Ianto knew he should be happy to see him here in this desolate place, but he wasn't. "I want Owen."

He felt the waves of disappointment wash over him from Jack.

"I'll go get him for you." Jack rose to his feet and shrugged on his mantle.

Ianto watched Jack walk dejectedly away and pulled up the sheet to uncover his bandaged feet. He stared at them because they hurt and when he looked into himself there was nothing there, no thoughts of comfort or relief, just nothing and suddenly the silence was unwelcome, overwhelmingly so. His vision blurred with tears but he couldn't cry. He wondered whether or not he was in some kind of shock.

Owen was already awake when Jack got back to the Land Rover. He was more than a little concerned by the expression on his leader's face, but said nothing waiting for Jack to speak first as he bundled up a set of clothes to take to Ianto.

"He wants to see you." Was all Jack would say as he got into the vehicle and sat at the steering wheel. "I'll wait here for you both." He finally added.

Owen nodded. "Should only be an hour so then we can head back to the air field, there's some food and water on the front passenger seat for you."

"Fine."

Owen found Ianto sat up on the cot talking to Dr Bennett. He plastered a smile on his face despite the fact that he was tired and cranky from a poor sleep, yesterday's travel sickness and lack of decent coffee. Lack of any coffee for that matter.

"Ianto. Dr Bennett." Owen handed Ianto a pile of clean clothes and a pair of trainers, which he then realised, would not be usable anyway. Ianto just sat there looking at the items as if unsure as to what to do with them.

"Come on Tea Boy, get dressed. We're going home." Owen tried to keep his tone light.

Dr Bennett faced Owen with a clipboard and a smile of her own. "Release papers, sign here. And here's a copy of his treatment charts."

Owen did the signing.

"Thanks mate, for looking after him."

Bennett nodded and gently pulled Owen aside. "He'll need some time to recover, mentally I mean."

Owen nodded. "Don't worry I'll look after him."

She seemed satisfied with the tone of his words and turned to Ianto. "I'll leave you with Dr Harper. Good Bye."

Ianto smiled weakly at her, but didn't reply as she walked away. Owen plonked himself down on the end of the camp bed, which creaked under the additional weight. Ianto was obviously struggling with concept of the clothes.

"Need a hand?"

He looked bewildered as he tried unsuccessfully to pull the white T-shirt over his head. A sob heaved out of him, and then he broke down and cried. Owen leaned forward and pulled his battered skeletal body into a gentle embrace, not in the least surprised.

"It's all right mate. Come on Ianto. Everything's gonna be fine, you'll see." Owen eased himself away and began to assist Ianto with the clothes. Ianto's own clothes from his storage unit, that were now massively too big for him. Owen took a brief look at the cuts across Ianto's back. The stitching wasn't that great, he'd have to see to it when they got back home. He helped Ianto to stand on unsteady bound feet and slowly led him out to the Land Rover. Owen wasn't looking forward to see what was under the bandages on Ianto's feet but all in all he could have been a lot worse.

Jack watched in silence as Owen got Ianto settled across the back seat of the Land Rover. He didn't move from his place in the driver's seat, as he wasn't entirely sure that Ianto would welcome his assistance. He turned round though to look as Owen made his way to the front passenger side. He had never seen anyone look so fragile and it broke his heart. Jack swallowed and turned away keying the ignition.


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: My deepest apologies for the delay in posting this chapter… It was so hard to write and and get to my satisfaction and I have still not succeeded, so here it is and thank you for your patience. There's also been a couple of earthquakes here which had me somewhat rattled and thus distracted.**

**THANK YOU FOR READING AND FOR SUCH KIND REVIEWS.**

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

Tosh got into the Hub early that morning. It was weird coming in when it was empty, but she wanted to feed Myfanwy and get everything tidy for when the boys got back from Afghanistan. Jack had called from RAF Lyneham to inform her that they were on there way and should be back in Cardiff in a couple of hours. Tosh moved around the Hub happily humming to herself as she rounded up abandoned coffee cups and takeaway boxes. She was quietly excited about seeing Ianto, knowing that he was alive, but she was also worried.

Gwen had appeared seemingly unmoved by the fact that Ianto was coming home. That woman could be a real bitch sometimes. Of course, it was all because of Jack. That stupid man had slept with Gwen whilst Ianto had been in hospital in London. Typical bloody Jack. Tosh had known him a long time. He was just being Jack, but then really he wasn't, bloody Jack. Ianto had changed him or at least Tosh hoped he had, swapped his bravado for compassion. Men, she never understood them. Before Ianto had joined them, Jack shagged practically everything he could find with a pulse, it was in his nature. Sex to Jack was like breathing for the rest of them. Sometimes Jack forgot that mere mortals were made of different stuff, ones like Ianto especially so. To her amazement, Jack changed within days of Ianto's first arriving. Some how the impossibly young man had done the impossible. He had stolen Jack's heart, betrayed him, broken him and won him back. Then Jack had run away, his and Ianto's roles completely reversed. It was confusing then bloody Gwen Cooper decides to have a pre marriage crisis. Tosh felt like slapping her sometimes, even though they were friends. Not that she ever would, but first Gwen has to jump in the sack with Owen, then Jack, Ianto's Jack and poor Rhys was left on the side lines with no idea. Tosh knew she could be a little protective toward Ianto. He had always been kind and friendly toward her, had tried to save her life once and he'd never asked for anything in return. Gwen didn't seem to give a shit about him.

Even during the five months that Jack had been away and Ianto had done himself proud, taking on so much more than the rest of them, burying his pain and looking after the team. Owen and Ianto had grown closer during this time. Tosh had been pleased to see it because Ianto was a master at isolating himself from them when he wanted to. For some reason Gwen had taken charge. No one quite knew why or how and when Jack returned she seemed to think he had come back for her personally. It was obvious to Owen and Tosh that he had come back for Ianto. Tosh and Owen had talked about it a lot, because Ianto had slowly been crumbling since the day of Jack's departure and they were worried, they were still worried because now Jack was falling apart as well and even with Ianto still alive, there was no guarantee that things would be settled between them. Tosh half wondered if Ianto had found out about Jack sleeping with Gwen, but she suspected not and she sincerely hoped that he wouldn't find out either. So long as Gwen didn't say anything….

The alarm went off and Tosh ran down from the kitchenette as Jack strolled in closely followed by Owen who was helping Ianto through the roller door. She hesitated for a moment shocked by Ianto's waif like appearance, but she was relieved to see an inviting smile on his face and the two of them hugged for a long moment there in the door way. Tosh and Owen then lead him down to the autopsy bay, Jack once again a few paces behind them.

Jack glanced around, wondering where Gwen was as he stood on the upper level leaning over the rail to watch as Owen and Tosh helped settle Ianto on the exam couch.

Ianto watched quietly as Owen helped him out of his shirt, yawning as he worked.

"Owen, you should take me to the hospital, let them deal with this, you look shattered."

Owen did a double take; it was the first sentence Ianto had uttered since they left Afghanistan.

The medic just gave him a sidelong look. "Mate no way am I letting the NHS anywhere near you. Now be quiet Tea Boy and let me do my job!" He replied light heartedly.

"Dead right and when Owen's done you're coming home with me." Tosh added determinedly.

Ianto frowned.

"Your flat's been sold, all your stuff is in the archive. We thought you were dead Ianto." Tosh explained as she grasped his hand and squeezed his fingers.

"I don't want to be any trouble, Tosh."

"You've never been that. You need looking after, so you're going to stay with me until we've got you a new flat sorted." Her tone was not to be argued with.

The smile he gave her didn't reach his eyes. "There's no need Tosh, really. I'll have to get back to London and report in to MI5 anyway, they'll need to know what happened to their team."

Owen huffed out a sigh as he was preparing a suture kit and various things to give to Ianto.

"Mate until you've had some rest and some new stitches and a few decent meals, you are not going anywhere."

Ianto shot him a dangerous look. "Just patch me up Owen and I'll be on my way."

Owen threw down the tray he was holding on to the bench and rounded on the younger man.

"Ianto Jones you will fucking do as you are told. I have just had to haul my arse half way round the bloody planet on a shitty cargo plane. I am tired, I still feel like my guts are still in orbit and I am majorly jet lagged. You will follow my advice willingly or you will be spending your recovery period locked up with Janet. Do I make myself clear?"

Owen's face was almost purple and Jack who was watching from above was trying his best not to laugh even though he felt rotten inside. Tosh didn't know where to put herself.

Ianto swallowed nervously and nodded his head, shame faced.

"And Jones, you will fucking well talk to Harkness before he drives the rest of us to suicide with his moping."

Ianto shrunk back even further.

Jack went as white as a sheet. A heavy, awkward silence fell on them as Owen resumed his work. "Thank you."

Ianto finally raised his head and met Jack's look and he nodded almost imperceptibly. A brief grin flashed over Jack's face and Ianto couldn't help but smile back holding Jack's gaze until he realised he was crying again.

"Shit, sorry mate."

"It's ok Owen." Ianto looked at the medic and then at Tosh as relief overwhelmed him and he burst into tears.

Owen had never seen Jack move so fast and Tosh got out of the way so that Jack could pull Ianto into a gentle embrace. Cradlin Ianto's trembling body against him. Ianto snaked skinny arms around Jack's waist and held on as tightly as he could, his tears soaking into Jack's shirt. Tosh took a step back and she and Owen exchanged smiles.

Owen cleared his throat.

"Urm guys, I need to sort this boy out so I can go home and maybe get some sleep this week."

Jack reluctantly let go and eased himself out of Ianto's hold taking one of the Welshman's hands in his and wiping the tears off his cheek on his shirt sleeve.

"I'm going to make some coffee." Tosh announced with a grin.

That brought a proper smile to Ianto's face, he couldn't remember the last time he had coffee. The happy expression was short lived.

"Not for Ianto, he's on juice and water, no caffeine until he's much better than he is now." Owen instructed.

"You're kidding Owen, right?"

"No, you need healthy things Ianto, that means fresh food instead of Pizza, for at least couple of weeks, if not longer and caffeine is the last thing you need."

Ianto gave Tosh his puppy eyes look and Jack chuckled. She shrugged helplessly.

"Sorry Ianto. Doctor's orders." She leaned in and gave him a brief peck on the cheek. Thank goodness everyone had started to relax at last.

Owen continued to work, receiving the occasional hiss of pain from Ianto as he carefully took out the dodgy stitches and sewed new ones. Two hours later, his work done. Owen gave everyone a cheery farewell and went home. Tosh went to her workstation deciding that Jack and Ianto needed space to talk in private. She turned off the CCTV in the autopsy bay and accosted Gwen when she came in through the roller doors. The last person Tosh wanted down there was Gwen. But Gwen wasn't having anything of it and she trotted gamely down into the autopsy bay and flung her self at Jack, kissing his cheek. Jack awkwardly stepped back and pulled her away. Gwen still smiling looked at Ianto.

"Good to see you Ianto. How are you?"

Ianto sort of smiled at her. "I'm fine Gwen, thank you."

She returned her attention to Jack. "Can I see you in your office Jack?"

"Later Gwen, if you don't mind. There are things I need to talk to Ianto about."

Ianto got off the exam couch. "It's ok Jack I'm tired anyway. I'll ask Tosh to take me home." He made his way unsteadily up the steps on his freshly bandaged feet.

Jack cursed under his breath and glared at Gwen. "Not now Gwen!" He hissed.

"But he's…."

"I said not now." He followed Ianto, slipping an arm around his waist to assist him into the Hub.

Gwen huffed and pouted before trailing behind. Tosh glared at her as she sat at her terminal, but she had an idea and she rummaged in her handbag and pulled out her keys.

"Here Jack, take Ianto home, you both need to rest, I've got two spare rooms so help yourselves to everything you need."

Jack accepted them with an eternally grateful look on his face.

"Thank you Tosh. You girls be ok for a few hours?"

Toshiko beamed at him. "Of course we will and I know, don't worry I shall call only if the world is about to end. Now go."

Ianto smiled at her. "Thanks Tosh." He whispered in her ear as he kissed her cheek.

It took a few moments to get his head round driving Tosh's little Corsa and Ianto spent the short journey gripping the dash in abject terror. He was very relieved when they arrived at Toshiko's house. Once there, Ianto spent ages in the shower, mindful of his stitches and his newly dressed feet and then had to settle for wearing Tosh's dressing gown because he didn't have any fresh clothes to put on. The whole cleaning process had been a bit awkward but he managed to avoid having to ask for Jack's help for which he was quietly thankful. Meanwhile Jack set about making noodles and vegetable stir fry and fruit salad, reminding himself that he would need to restock Tosh's kitchen for her later that day. They sat at Tosh's dining table and ate in silence. Ianto struggled and only managed half of what was in front of him, not because it was bad, quite the opposite Jack was actually a good cook. Ianto just wasn't used to eating this much in one go. He could sense Jack's worry and that was kind of comforting, but not; because soon he would be telling Jack things he wouldn't want to hear. Jack cleaned up and Ianto retreated to Tosh's couch to wait for him.

"Here you go."

Jack proffered a glass of water which Ianto took as Jack settled on the couch beside him. They sat in silence for some time before Jack finally ventured to speak.

"I know you've only just got back, and it must be all a bit crazy and everything. But we need to talk."

Ianto nodded. "Yeah."

"What happened Ianto? In London, why were you so mad at me? It wasn't just Simmons and the whole UNIT thing was it?"

Ianto sipped on the glass of water. "They had documents, that you'd signed releasing artefacts from our store, from before I started at Torchwood three. They also had pictures of you and Gwen taken off our own CCTV, she was all over you. Like today in the autopsy bay, they showed the stuff to me after Simmons blew my cover. Simmons told me that it was you who'd come to him, that he'd paid you for ratting on me. Murry tortured and raped me and then put two bullets in my back and left me for dead on that building sight." Ianto's expression was unreadable.

"You believed them?" Jack asked just wanting to hold Ianto.

"Of course I did. I'd already been warned they had some one on the pay roll from Torchwood."

Jack was stunned. "What, who the hell told you that?"

"Joseph Tarrant from MI5. He tried to convince me to pull out of the op just before Simmons got to me. I thought I could handle it and the truth is I didn't know who I could trust."

"And now?"

"I was manipulated Jack, by you, by MI5, by Murry and by UNIT. It doesn't matter anymore. The job got done, the weapons have been destroyed and the bad guys are scattered in pieces across the Afghan desert. There's nothing else to say."

"I didn't betray you Ianto, you have to believe me."

"I know you didn't. I later found out that MI5 having made two failed attempts on your life were using less direct methods to get you discredited. I don't know what you have done to piss them off Jack but those guys really hate your guts and I got stuck in the cross fire. There was a mention of some top secret mission back in 1965, but I couldn't get any details."

"Fuck, I'm sorry Ianto." Jack's heart sank as he pondered what had happened back in 1965. He knew it was something he could never admit to. Too many cans of worms had been opened already.

"I don't want an apology Jack." Ianto squirmed round on the sofa to face him.

"I don't care about all that stuff, none of it matters. Before I left the country MI5 offered me a nice cushy desk job in their research department. Good money, car, pension, medical insurance. You name it, and no field work, no bullets, bites or bruises. It's perfect for me. It means I get a shot at a normal life, maybe even a family one day, all the things I could never have with you and Torchwood. I really want those things Jack, but the bottom line is I want you more, despite everything that has happened. I hate being with out you. I am tired beyond belief of hurting, so this is what is going to happen. I will stay, if you'll still have me, on the condition that we do things as close to normal as we can. Normal stuff Jack, like sharing a flat, getting a dog, going to the beach…..whatever. I just want some semblance of a real life so that I have something to fight for. Otherwise Torchwood is meaningless and I can't do meaningless any more."

Jack gaped at him. "You still want me? After all this?"

"I love you Jack, from the day we first met, to my shame. I can't help how I feel and if I don't say it now I never will."

Jack was lost for words as huge tears rolled over his cheeks. Ianto reached out and wiped them off on the sleeve of Tosh's dressing gown.

"And one more thing. Gwen, she needs to be told once for all, because if I see you so much as peck her on the cheek we're finished."

"I'll do whatever I have to Ianto."

"Just love me as much as I love you. That's all. If we can manage that then everything else will fall into place. I need to know that you love me Jack."

"I do love you Ianto, and I am sorry I so monumentally fucked up."

Ianto finally smiled, really smiled and all then tension in his body flowed away, the room in which they sat felt lighter. They grasped one another's hands, intertwining their fingers.

"It's good to be home."

Jack gently pulled Ianto against him, keeping a hold of one of his hands and wrapping his other arm over Ianto's bony shoulders.

"Yeah, feels right."

"It sure does."


End file.
